Agnostic Mom

In a recent phone conversation, my dad brought up religion again. He asked me, “Are you going to church at all . . . to see if anything has changed?”

For a year, these questions persisted with every call. One time I told him I intended to never go back. If anything changed, I would let him know. After that, the inquiries became more sporadic.

My parents were due for an update.

This time, I answered, “Sometimes we go for family baptisms and baby’s blessings. And honestly, we just don’t feel good about it.” That ended the subject.

It will resurface. Eventually.

Earlier in our conversation, I had dodged an indirect attempt to turn the subject to religion. After I told him about my daughter’s struggle to keep her room clean, he asked me, “Are you having Family Home Evening?”

In case you don’t know what that is, I’ll explain. The Mormon Church designated Monday evenings as a sacred time for families to spend together. It can be an evening in or out, and often centers on a religious topic. Church leaders command members to have Family Home Evening (FHE) every week, implying negative consequences for those who don’t. They promise parents that, if they have it, “no child will be lost.”

I was stunned when my dad’s follow-up question to a room-cleaning dilemna was whether or not we were having FHE. I felt I was being interviewed for worthiness.

When I left the church, my parents expressed dire concern for my kids. I told them I would continue to have FHE because it is a great idea. I didn’t want to now tell my dad that I had neglected it. An admonishment with warnings of drugs and teen pregnancy would surely result.

But then I realized the connection that led him from room cleaning to FHE. Periodically, as a kid, my family had room inspections for the activity. We spent the day preparing our bedrooms. That evening, my dad donned white inspection gloves. Acting a silly character, he marched through each room checking for dust and toys left out. It was a fun evening that ended in prizes and candy.

So, rather than answer my dad’s question of whether or not we’d been having FHE, I played his game and steered the conversation back to room cleanliness. “You mean you want to know if we have room inspections? No! That is a great idea!”

Of course, within minutes, Dad chose the direct route and asked me if we ever go to church.

For a week I thought about the guilt I felt for not having FHE with my kids. I wondered if I should try to start it. It really is a good idea.

But then it occurred to me: as an agnostic, my family doesn’t NEED a Family Home Evening like a Mormon family does. Mormons don’t have the sacred Sunday Family Day that my family has. For Mormons, Sunday is God’s Day. They have church for 3 hours. That doesn’t include travel and preparation. Most families also have at least one parent who has a minimum of one additional meeting to attend that day. Add to that the Visiting Teaching and Priesthood visits (estimate 2 hours) that often occur on Sundays.

My parents had a Family Night. I have an entire Family Day.