Are You a Christian?
When I was about 8 years old on a family campout I made a new friend. I envied her name, Kareena, and her forties-era look, which was like an eight-year-old Lois Lane.
Kareena and I bonded when we met outside my family’s pop-up trailor. We would become long-term pen pals. After we sealed our friendship the day we met, Kareena decided to introduce me to her family. We approached her trailor, parked behind mine, and she invited me in.
The first words her mother spoke to me came as an interrogation, “Are you a Christian?”
Even though I was, in fact, a Christian, and would remain one for more than twenty years, I often thought back to that day and the question that disturbed me. I had become aware that a common religion is a pre-requisite in some social circles.
This fact became more concerning when my first child, now part of our agnostic family, started school and began to make friends. I had just joined The MOMS Club and was making new friends of my own. I worried about the inevitable moment when I would have to confess to another mother, that we were not Christians.
Eventually the time came, as conversations became more personal. To my surprise, it hasn’t yet been a problem. Perhaps the integrity I have already displayed is enough to take the stigma away? Or maybe I am just with the right kind of people. The more tolerant type.
My confidence flourished as I got to know two Christian moms a year ago. One of these moms claimed to be a true, believing Christian, but excused herself from being an example of righteous living. She was “weak in the flesh”.
I remember my shock the day these two friends told me about an evening a year earlier. They were drunk, and decided to get revenge on a friend who upset them. They drove to her house (yes, I believe they drove drunk) and egged it.
These ladies are moms. In their 30′s and 40′s.
That day I decided I was not ashamed of my disbelief of religion. I stopped worrying about others judging my morality. Since then I have had the confidence to say, with a smile, that I am not a Christian. I am an agnostic humanist.
Last week I finished “The End of Faith” by Sam Harris. What a fascinating and very different book. Harris outlines the unique position the world is in currently. For thousands of years, people have tortured others in the name of religion. But never has there been a time when fanatic religious people had access to weapons of mass destruction.
Harris warns that this is an era when suicide bombers, who want to “destroy the infidels” off the face of the earth, could actually accomplish their mission. He claims that tolerance of moderate religious faith gives credence to fundamentalists, who will go to extreme measure to accomplish their goals. What if those goals are to annihilate all others of a different faith?
This book gave me more reasons to stand up for myself and my beliefs.
Am I a Christian? No I am not. I am an agnostic humanist.
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November 29th, 2005 @ 1:54 am
Great title Noelle! Coincidentally that was also the theme of the week for my family and roommate. Suprise Suprise!
There were only two positive things that I remember from my family’s 12 hour drive to San Francisco. #1 We got to our destination safely #2 I finally confessed that I was Agnostic.
In a nutshell(I’ll try), My sister and I asked my cousin Kristina what her boyfriend’s religion was. She hesitated for a second before finally saying he was Agnostic. Both my sister and brother-in-law didn’t really understand what that meant(they’re both catholic)so I explained to them the literal meaning “without knowledge.” My cousin(I think she’s also catholic) quickly added that her boyfriend believes in a god but just isn’t sure which one. Now to me I understand agnosticism as complete lack of knowledge meaning if I don’t know what happens after I die how could I possibly know if there is a god or not. I think the correct word that describes my cousin’s boyfriend(please correct me if I’m wrong) would be more deist or theist than Agnostica. Originally the reason we were having this conversation was when my sister asked me what religion my roommate was. I thought for a second and said christian because I clearly remember him saying he was. At that point I already knew my sister was wondering HOW COULD I KNOW SO MUCH ABOUT NOT KNOWING ANYTHING? So I told her…I’m Agnostic.
abidip bidip that’s all folks! THE END
Joke lang. Exactly eight hours ago my roommate and I were working out at the gym when I asked him what religion he was just to make sure and again he said he was Christian. Now I had no problem telling my family that he was Christian out of habit but at that moment I had to stop and THINK. So I asked him “Why do you think you’re Christian?”
I wish I could express in words four and a half hours of intense conversation but to make it short I think I was able to convey my ideas pretty clearly to him. You see my roommate told me he likes to go to church because it fulfills certain “needs.” But the truth is that he doesn’t really believe most of the stories in the bible and only appreciates the passages that appeal to his common sense. He feels that christianity is the only religion that has come close to answering any of his questions about god so that’s why he claims to be a christian. I told him flat out he’s wrong and convinced him to at least entertain the idea that the christian god might just in fact be imaginary after all. He admitted that I wasn’t the first to question his faith. In fact even some of his church members have asked him the same question. So anyway after that long conversation with him I got back to my sister and told her that I was wrong and my roommate is definitely not christian.
For the last 10 years I’ve been very passive when it comes to talking about religion. I think I behaved that way because I was too respectful. Religion is a very touchy subject and I was raised not to offend people. But maybe it was watching South Park or listening to George Carlin’s jokes the last couple of months that I began to open up to the idea that maybe it’s time for me to start opening up to this subject once again.
Okay maybe some people might say it can’t just be South Park and George Carlin. I have to come clean….I’ve been unemployed since June and I have A LOT of spare time on my hands……hahaha.
Seriously though leaving my job of five and half years was a huge decision. Kinda like leaving my church. Everyday I would ask WHAT THE HECK AM I DOING HERE?!?
But because I chose to go against the grain I’m happy and I have no regrets.
November 30th, 2005 @ 8:56 am
How funny Noell, I didn’t read this intill after our conversation, but how true. Even after I know it in my heart to be O.K., it still fills wrong some way to say “I don’t believe in Jesus!” I still have not been able to say that to my open minded mother. Not that I am afraid what she would say, but afraid to say it out loud!
February 5th, 2006 @ 9:58 am
[...] I think I’m over my old fears of telling people I’m an Agnostic Humanist, rather than a Christian. Of course, I can say that, because my last experiences were successful. But it’s been a while since I’ve been in that circumstance. And I don’t live in the Bible-Belt of America. Arizona isn’t liberal, and it isn’t as diverse as some places, but it’s not close-minded either. I think I’ve got a handle on the social situation for now. [...]
March 4th, 2008 @ 1:22 pm
I love your article! Finally someone who believes what I do!
April 29th, 2008 @ 11:53 pm
HI! Great article! I feel as if I’m an agnostic humanist as well, and it’s so nice when it feels accepted, because it doesn’t always. I’m not a mom, I’m a 17-year-old girl and I was raised agnostic or “without religion” because my father’s an atheist and my mother’s a Christian-Muslim (it seems odd, I know) so my brother and I have been open to embrace any religious beliefs or lack-thereof we so choose and it’s great! I was able to really research, I even joined and was an active church member until I realized that it was not for me and I decided that I was okay with my beliefs and I hope that I can someday raise my children with the same freedom as well. I believe in certain tenets of Eastern Religions like Buddhism and Hinduism, yet not all of them, and I don’t believe morals or leading a good life should be because of a fear of foreshadowing of an afterlife but rather that being a good person should be it’s own reward and believing in people and humanity is a real contribution, therefore I don’t have an easy answer when people ask about my beliefs, it always turns into a conversation. I think maybe you can relate! Great piece, again.
October 30th, 2009 @ 8:54 pm
Hi! I’m agnostic humanist mom as well. Actually, your story about having AGMOM license plate has inspired me to get my own agnostic license plate AGNOST!C (AGNOSTIC was taken already). I live in the Bible belt, in Charlotte, NC. I have to say, it’s been wild 4 weeks filled with weird looks, drivers acting strangely on the road, co-workers trying me to accept Jesus to be saved, etc. Luckily, the owner of the company is an atheist and two other co-workers agnostic. But it’s challenging to maintain friendships with super religious people, especially, if your child’s friends’ families are religiously intolerant.
Btw, I’m waiting for a new license plate that will say HUMAN1ST. The reason I decided to change it is that I don’t want to define myself in relation to other people’s beliefs. A in agnostic stands for not (not Gnostic). It doesn’t really say what I believe in. I think that “humanist” term is much broader and it encompasses core values and belief system for ethical agnostics, atheists, freethinkers, brights, etc. Also, I hope that it’s probably little bit safer to drive with humanist license plate than agnostic. I know that for benefit of the future generations I should have left my original license plate, but, trust me, it is way too dangerous down her in the bible belt.
Anyway, thank you for inspiring me to come out of my agnostic humanist closet. Hopefully, people will realize that we can live ethical lives without religion.