Reunion
This year’s holiday season brought me an early gift. It came as a comment on my October 9th post, “Intelligent Design, Not So Intelligent.” It read:
I just found your website this morning.
I left the Mormon church five years ago and became a humanist too.
I would love to reconnect, if you wanted.
The writer is Laura, a friend from church, during my highschool days, 15 years ago. Meeting someone with your same worldview, when you are in a minority, is gratifying. Reacquainting yourself with an old friend, to find you’ve chosen the same unusual road, is an unexpected present on your doorstep.
Laura and I began emailing each other, swapping religious war stories about leaving, sharing enlightening books, and describing our favorite coffee and tea.
What I found fascinating were the parallels between Laura’s journey toward secularism, and my own. I’m sure many other agnostics and athiests will recognize the story.
First, the creeping doubts become so overwhelming they drive us into a mad search for answers. I think Laura told me she read about 80 different books regarding subjects like religion and science. In an email she said:
I studied myths, and other religions. I read about brainwashing and cults. I read anthropological, historical and scientific books. The end of 2001 I discovered websites that would be called anti-mormon sites in some circles. Suddenly my world exploded.
As we begin to accept the reality that everything we understood about the world is false, there is a short period of initial mourning.
THIS was the hardest thing I had ever gone through. I started going back through all the questions I had put on that shelf. I remembered events and people who had given me a small smoldering spark of doubt. I went from being a closet doubter to certain agnostic. I only gave other churches a moment of consideration before I shut the door on those options. With sadness, I gave up hope of a god I could trust, a father figure who would love me as my father hadn’t and a mother figure who would love me as my mother hadn’t and hope of ever seeing those who had passed before me.
Then, the adventure begins. We get to explore a plethora of ideas once forbidden. We discover what makes true sense to us, regarding the nature of the world. With time we are able to let go of hopes that once provided false security and easy answers. The real leap of faith is learning not to worry about whether our existence stops at death. This is when we find more meaning in what we already have, especially our families.
I will say that that I enjoyed and still enjoy discovering what I believe. I find great joy in NOT knowing what happens after we die.
It really is an adventure. Having others to share it with makes it that much better.
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December 2nd, 2005 @ 2:10 am
Thank you for sharing our reunion. It has been a joy to rediscover our friendship with more depth and share an exciting adventure.
I hope that this prompts others to overcome the stigma of proclaiming a ‘lack of certain belief’, especially in these troubling times of extreme religious fervor, and find voice to express their own discoveries. Maybe if we could come out of the shadows and share our stories, we might find there are more of us then we originally thought.
Or better yet, prompt others to open those locked doors within, examine their overburdened shelves of questions and maybe go on a journey to discover what all life can reveal.
It doesn’t have to be what you believe or I believe (or don’t believe), but it should be TRUTH.
What amazed me was realizing what truth really was and meant and what it really meant to me. It was the most important beautiful thing I could ever learn and believe in. Truth led me out of religion, only after I started being truthful with myself.
The world opened up to me and I found it amazing, scary, diverse and completely unpredictable.
I’m loving every minute, especially the coffee part!
December 3rd, 2005 @ 8:16 am
Your blog is inspiring!
My husbands leaving “the church” almost cost me my marriage. For me, so much was wrapped up in faith. I knew when he started his search he would come to the “right” answer. I didn’t want to hear about or listen to his questioning & doubting. The day he wrote his letter to have his name removed was the day I lost my faith. It took me too long to finally begin to open my eyes that had been shut tight for so long. When I decided to reexamine my beliefs from I different angle, I was no longer afraid of the truth. I had my name removed 6 months ago and today, I am happy!