Agnostic Mom

It was Israel’s birthday the other night. As we prepared for dinner, out of no where Trinity suggested, “Since it’s a special day, can we have a prayer?”

If I could type the thoughts I had at that time, they would be full of loss-for-words stuttering. We discontinued the prayer ritual when Trinity was two-and-a-half years old. She just turned six. Still, she is familiar with prayer, because whenever we are around extended family, they always say one.

I am not one to say agnostics should not pray. As Ron commented on my last post, prayer appears to have mental and physical health benefits. Israel and I made the decision to discontinue the practice for a couple of reasons.

Anyone who knew me when I was an active church member would not believe this, but I never found prayer, specifically group prayer, to be comfortable. When I was the one saying it out loud, which I did many times a week for thirty years, I felt so awkward.

Late in life (too late) I learned to counter my excellent-eye-contact nature when it came time for a group prayer. I don’t know why it took me so long to figure out that if a person is looking to ask someone to pray, the one they are most likely to pick is the one smiling up at them. That was always be me, until I figured out the trick: keep your head down and your eyes on the floor or at a book. So, in terms of comfort, it was an easy choice to stop the family prayer ritual once I was no longer a god-believer.

We had another reason for doing away with prayer. We had previously instilled in our children a belief in God and Jesus Christ. Weekends stays with the grandparents and visits to the old church while Israel and I go out of town reinforce their belief. Continuing to pray would only further the reinforcement.

Since we have not tried to blatantly destroy our children’s belief in a god, we have not given the kids a clear reason for why we don’t pray. It is one of those issue where I am walking with a slightly transparent blindfold on, my arms stretched out for possible collissions. I’m hoping we’re doing this right, not shoving atheism into their little innocent heads, while also not encouraging belief practices.

This is why I didn’t know what to say when Trinity asked if we could pray for the special occasion of Dad’s birthday. How do you dash a little girls wishes, but also hold your ground? My sheepish answer was, “Well, that’s not our religion, honey.”

In the background I could hear Blake call out, “No. No prayers.”

So instead of the prayer, we all took a turn saying something we like about Daddy.

Blake: He likes video games.
Trinity: He makes videos (digital video, that is).
Me: I love his sense of humor and he’s very smart.
Aiden: I like shrimp (he said as he stuck a carrot slice in his mouth).

I do have a little prayer replacement activity. We only do it periodically, in order to avoid the redundancy of words I endured growing up, having multiple daily prayers. At the start of a meal I ask the kids to tell me some things they are grateful for. This way they are still acknowledging their many blessings. Sometimes I add a second part, where I ask the kids what kind of positive change they would like to make in the world or the community. If there was one thing in the world they could do to have a positive affect, what would it be? After all, we’re not waiting for a god to do it. It’s up to us.