Social Anxiety
I think I’m over my old fears of telling people I’m an Agnostic Humanist, rather than a Christian. Of course, I can say that, because my last experiences were successful. But it’s been a while since I’ve been in that circumstance. And I don’t live in the Bible-Belt of America. Arizona isn’t liberal, and it isn’t as diverse as some places, but it’s not close-minded either. I think I’ve got a handle on the social situation for now.
There is still unchartered territory, though, to which I have been too timid to venture out. It is the territory of past friends who are still Mormon. I have actually dodged an old, good friend, who I saw at the store, because I was wearing a sleeveless shirt. A Mormon wearing a sleevless shirt might as well strap on a neon-light that says, “Hey, I’ve really gone downhill! I’m living a life of hedonistic sin and I need your pity.”
So, instead of reuniting myself with this dear friend, who worked with me as a Primary President (Primary is the children’s organization of the Mormon Church), I walked the other way.
At Christmas I received the traditional holiday newsletter from one of my old college roommates. As far as I know, she has no idea I ever left the church. Her letter was full of Mormon accomplishment, as usual. I must say, I was very impressed. Every year she catches me up on what her new positions are within her congregation. For the last few years, my email responses to her have been silent with regard to my own non-existent church responsibilities. I have talked about what I am doing with the MOMS Club. Being part of another organization outside of church should be enough to send up red flags. Mormons rarely have the time or need to join another group. But as far as I know, she is not aware that I left.
I have been contemplating sending her an email to catch her up on what I am doing. Will she email me back to ask what my current church calling is? This idea has made me hesitate. But I think I am ready to face the question. If she asks, I will tell her how happy we are, and that we have chosen a different path. I’ll tell her what that path is, and even send her a link to my website if she is interested in hearing the finer details of my life and thoughts.
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February 5th, 2006 @ 5:10 pm
Hello!
My husband and I are agnostic and we moved to Phoenix from Chicago. The past year has changed a lot we now have a 13 month old baby and I stay at home. I am having the hardest times finding other non religious moms. I feel that everyone I meet is either a born again or mormon. Do you find it hard finding friends who are not religious? I know this doesn’t pertain to your questions, but I read you are from Arizona and was wondering if you know of any agnostic moms club or at least non- religion focused groups?
February 5th, 2006 @ 6:55 pm
I imagine your journey (as it is) is that much harder because of your past religious affiliations/beliefs. I have no idea what your friend would say, but I imagine that if you emailed her you’d likely hear back nothing. Do you think that the next step in living as an Agnostic will come with acknowledging that fact to people who you know will be either shocked or outright condemning? Or has that already happened…
February 5th, 2006 @ 8:07 pm
I wonder the same things, Noell.
I “came out” to my best friend from college about 4 years ago in an email. We were very close for many years and went through a lot together. She was always very ‘jack’ mormon and I thought she would accept me but she did not. That’s when I realized she was already a foot out the door of our friendship. We have not spoken since and I’m leaving it there. I came out to another church friend from Topeka about the same time, who was also very open-minded and I was surprised how badly she responded. Once again we have not spoken since.
A part of me is actually not surprised, because I have heard and read many similar accounts. Sadly, this is the norm, which was why I was so tickled-pink to find you again.
I do wonder what would happen if I visited my parents’ ward in Topeka. I guess the first step would be coming out to my parents. That’s a scary first step.
But back to topic, I wonder how many of our old church friends are out of the church or even doubting.
February 6th, 2006 @ 12:51 pm
It would probably feel best to close the chapter and tie up any loose ends that present themselves. Things left undone tend to drain a person.
February 6th, 2006 @ 1:02 pm
I have yet to tell my family have left the church, although have quite a few friends who respect that and don’t seem to judge me too much for it (stress on “too much…”). Even coming out as gay for myself doesn’t equal the amount of queasiness I get when I think of telling htme I don’t go to church or worship their god anymore… so I understand when you meet your past with silence and walk the other way….
Here’s hoping you find the inner strength! Good luck! “Be proud of who you are! No one else will be unless you are yourself.” My uncle told me that once, and I guess it’s kind of like my life’s motto….
Catch ya later!
February 9th, 2006 @ 9:38 am
Hi Noelle,
When I came out to my friends & family most of them didn’t take me seriously. Sort of smiled at me like, well, you’re in a mid-life crisis, or oooooookay Zoe, whatever you say, or I know you’re going through a rough time right now…it didn’t matter, they didn’t get it, couldn’t conceive of it or imagine it.
So, I just let them believe whatever they want & keep on being me.
February 16th, 2006 @ 11:48 am
Christianity is based on dogmas and fantasies acceptable only to the deficiently cultivated person who lacks insight into the existing scientific (proven) realities that surround him. ( science is truth )They are oppressed and kept from engaging in activity that would allow them to seek proof. With adequate compunction they are easily dissuaded when they stray. That is why they dispise you when you leave the flock. They are followers and can’t bear to see a leader leave .Wherever your journey takes you, continue to seek the truth and don’t allow illusions and lies overtake you.