Don’t Stifle The Inquisitors
The pace of my week took a drastic turn, as well as my plans for accomplishment, when my almost three-year-old son, Aiden, decided to take notice of the throne in his bathroom. It is a throne on which he has refused to sit for at least six months now. Maybe more. I can’t even remember when the last time was.
Two days ago Aiden informed me that he was ready to “get bigger” and “pee in the toilet” so he can “go to school.”
In my almost-but-not-quite-infinite mommy-wisdom, I had already perceived the time was coming. Could his approaching third birthday have been my clue? I looked forward to our upcoming Spring Break as the perfect time when I wouldn’t be schlepping kids to and from school all day. We could devote three days at home and avoid frightening public toilets and accidents in the car seat.
Of course, Aiden’s timing takes precedent over my own, and we are now in the throes of cheerio-targets in the toilet, M&M rewards, and instructions such as, “Shoot it like a gun!”
It was during this busy time of thirty-minute bathroom intervals yesterday morning that my very supportive reader, Ron, emailed me a “congratulations” for recent AgnosticMom readership growth. He also expressed hope in my ability to juggle both family and blog. In a healthy way, that is. Healthy for the kids, I mean.
Yes, it has been a struggle. Last fall I let go of some positions I was volunteering for so that I could devote more attention to my three children and at the same time explore writing through this blog. I had no idea the writing would become so demanding and addictive. Yes, I do struggle with the balance of satisfying my readers, and also being the mom I really want to be for my children. Ron’s words gave me that little push to try harder.
The result was interesting. Normally I squeeze every drop of time from every minute to get as much done as I can. If it takes me ten minutes to get to my next appointment, I work on the current project right up until the moment I HAVE to get out that door, and then I grab Aiden and rush to my appointment. I often have to drag Aiden away from his distractions as we hurry in and out of various places. I remember that “Stop and Smell the Roses” phrase, but ‘I will just have to get to that another time when I’m not in such a hurry,’ is the lie I tell myself.
Those of you with only one or two children may be shaking your heads at me right now. Hey, I remember my slower, easy days of long ago. You all just wait until you add a third child, along with school and extra-curriculum activities. You’ll be empathizing with me then!
Yesterday, instead of disappearing into our usual rush, I slowed it down. Aiden and I left ten minutes early for my weekly allergy shot. As we walked, no sauntered, down the sidewalk from the car to the doctor’s office, Aiden wanted to examine the flowers. Perhaps it was his first time not seeing them in a blur as I hurried him along. He identified which plants were “pokey” (we’re in Arizona, so we have a lot of cactus-type flowering succulents) and which weren’t. He examined each plant and flower as we walked past them, sharing his observations with me.
Like I said, I have thought of the admonition to “Stop and Smell the Roses” before. Almost everyday, actually. But this time it had a new purpose. I’ve been stewing over what little time I have to research books that teach children how to reason, how to ask questions, how to observe, measure evidence, and feel the confidence to question traditional beliefs.
It occurred to me that if I always leave just five or ten minutes before my rounds of appointments and errands I would buy us enough time to encourage the inquisitive nature already existent in the maturing minds of my children. My racing around has been stifling that nature. I have sometimes been sending the message that observation and questioning are unimportant and a waste of time.
Meanwhile, I have been wanting to find books and activities to teach children how to reason, adopt a healthy amount of wonder and skepticism, and ask questions before accepting answers. Is it, perhaps, to re-teach what our rushed lives may currently be undoing?. Not very smart. Or efficient, for that matter.
Does it seem like human progress, which has brought us to this manic American culture of rush-rush-rush, achieve-achieve-achieve, is at times self-defeating? From now on, I am making it a part of my daily contribution to the inquisitive nature of my children to leave five or ten minutes early.
A note to anyone reading this at least a week after I posted it: Ask me how I’m doing.
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March 2nd, 2006 @ 11:09 am
I went to St.Pius 5 grade school. We had assembly once a month (usually the first monday) The priest or associate priest held them to answer spiritual questions. My mind has always been logically tuned to reasonableness. I don’t know if its genetic or what! Even though I had my hand raised to question some of the illogical goings on they quickly learned to avoid calling on me . It wasn’t until I left there that I figured it all out.
March 2nd, 2006 @ 10:23 pm
Wow, thanks for this post because it makes me feel good to know that I’m not the only one thinking these thoughts! I’m constantly rushing my kids out to the car because we’re “late already” and I rarely allow my daughter to examine the grass or whatever else she sees that fascinates her.
I think your solution is a good one. Leaving 5-10 minutes early is reasonable and allows for curiosity to unfold and some exploring to take place. I’m going to give it a try.
We’ll check back in with each other next week!
March 2nd, 2006 @ 10:49 pm
Well, I finally sat down and spent most of a day reading the entire blog, cover to cover, and at least all the first tier links. So, as a sort of catch up, I’d like to make a few comments here even though they relate to past submittals.
First, I’d like to go back to the discussion/debate with Larry on the concept of “spirit”. I absolutely agree with you that there is a definite roll for spirit in the world of the agnostic and it has nothing to do with religion. It has everything to do with an emotional response to some event or activity. There are times when it could be closer to reverence or respect and there are times when it could be closer to the “lump in the throat” response and other times when it is just a simple elation or “warm feeling”. I grew up in the country where is was really dark and I can assure you, looking up at the Milky Way and seeing the occassional meteor can be a very spiritual experience. I think every child growing up needs to have some of those spiritual experiences and I fell sorry for any that don’t. I;m confident you will see more of this in future discussions.
The discussion of “dualisms” and the references to transhumanism was an area in which I have done quite a bit of research and I have a quite different take on it. In brief, I don’t recognize any dualism involving some sort of immaterial spirit/soul. However I do recognize a dualism of “being” and “ego”. Being, in this case, is the genetically distilled nature inherent in the human being animal that one is and all the potential it holds while the ego is the experiential side of the person that develops that potential. Of course, a stictly electrochemical processor model of the brain is assumed.
Thanks for the introduction to “darksyde”. Great teachers are so rare.
The discussion of the use of health as some sort of alternative to religion went places I didn’t expect. Again, I have a different view of that subject. I consider life as the primary source from which all “values” are drived. A value meaning that which we strive to acquire or retain. Clearly health is the result of our actions relating to maintaining or improving the body and as such is a “value”. You are simply acquiring values and that is a philosphically proper thing to do. Preparing nutritious meals is a proper thing to do and is backed by extensive philosophical metaphysics, metabiology, etc etc.
I realize this submittal sounds quite simplistic but the “full text” is clearly beyond a blog comment. Again, I fell confident that some of these subjects will get expanded in future dicussions.
A comment on this blog entry. I sent it to several young moms including my oldest daughter who only knows 150% speed setting at all times and has a 9, 7 and 3 year old. She lives in Henderson, NV and her visits home are like a tornado blowing through.
Finally I want to say that going through all the early blogs was a “spirtual” experience. I really thought I was out in left field with the extensive library I have accumulated and some of the things I have written that relate to many of the subjects that have been aired in the blog. I know I have no friends that have any interest in or the slightest idea what I am talking about when I start any discussion of these subject. I had one neighbor that was upset that I didn’t believe the Earth was on the order of 8000 years old and he claimed that carbon 14 dating was highly questionable at best. (He moved back to the Bible Belt.) I am shocked that there are others out there that quote the same authors and literture as I do. Such a pleasure. I look forward to more and hope I can make some small contributions.
March 3rd, 2006 @ 7:36 am
I am in somewhat the same situation as Gregg100. I just started blogging a few months ago. As I live in the mid-west, pretty much the heart of the bible belt, I have long felt quite isolated as regards my athiesm. For several weeks virtually all of my posts were essentially talking to myself. I would check my site meter and discover that I was the only one who had visited.
Eventually, Sweet Jazzy Cat started commenting, and we began our discourse. However, I still had not heard from anyone of like mind. Thanks to my discovering this site, my blogging world has expanded greatly. Frankly, I am taken aback by the number of agnostic/atheist sites, their breadth and depth. It’s gratifying to know that, while we remain very much a minority, there are a number of us who have been moved to communicate with each other and, perhaps more importantly, to reach out to “believers” in an attempt to open the door for them a little, to let them know there IS a choice.
TLS
March 5th, 2006 @ 8:59 pm
Greg100-I’m glad to know somebody still reads my older posts. I am flattered, especially that you sent the one post about slowing down to some of the mothers in your life.
March 7th, 2006 @ 9:24 am
Hey! I’m finally checking in – and finding myself a solid 5 days late for a blog that mentions me!
– I later wondered if it had been inappropriate.
Glad that comment was constructive
A story in a recent Mothering Magazine (the magazine for natural family living – check it out!) related to this topic in a way I found really inspiring.
A full-time mother of 3 told of her schedule with her kids.
They go on nature adventures from 9 to 12 every weekday (and go with dad on weekends). These hikes, walks and trips to the woods are 90% child-directed. In other words – she may get them started with an idea or two, but the kids decide what they will be playing, looking for, and imagining. They have absorbed some books on what all the trees, animals and plants are called, and what can be eaten etc. They go in all weather (I imagine there must be SOME exceptions) – with the doctrine : There is no bad weather – just inappropriate clothing.
The mother is a writer – and she writes from home. After these daily excursions the kids are pooped and content for the day- they’ve had their fill of undivided attension, and they play with one another contentedly. She gets her work done. There is harmony in the home.
How great is THAT?!
Exercise – Nature – Family – Play – Education – Imagination – Love – & Time Well Spent!
Can’t beat that with a stick!
March 7th, 2006 @ 11:49 am
Ron, all I can say is, WOW. You’re right, that is inspiring.
Maybe I’ll have to try a toned-down version of that.
I like her little phrase about inappropriate clothing. Except I wonder if that would apply to the 115 plus degree weather we get in my part of the country. Would appropriate three hour outdoor clothing be NO clothing because it’s so dang hot, or long-clothing where you think you’ll die of heat, but at least your skin is protected?
Or maybe out here it is a matter of inappropriate TIME. We’d have to start at 5 am and be sure to be back home by 8.
Anyway, I’ve completely diverted from the whole point of the discussion. There are some beautiful desert areas near my kids school where we could explore. We’ll just have to watch out for snakes.
See? Already, in a matter of minutes I’ve come up with two reasons why this would be so hard.
March 7th, 2006 @ 2:58 pm
I hear you – the weather thing gets me too – - if its lower than 45 degrees outside, I tend to stay inside. The early morning thing seems a perfect fix for hot weather days, though.
Even if one practiced a version of this that had the family outdoors 20% as much as the family in the story I bet it would be a big increase for most folks.
All I know is – I’ve already taken the jogging stroller out in the snow and it off-roads pretty darn good. I’m going to be so healthy it will shock and amaze all those who know me (as an artistic recluse starting to gain weight where my parents do).
Keeping the kids outdoors is a big deal in our age of digital alternate realities.
I thought of something a bit maudlin, but beautiful, about the story of the mother and her kids. Someday mom won’t be around – and the kids can go for a walk with their own kids and recall the hours, days and weeks spent their with their grandmother.
March 7th, 2006 @ 3:04 pm
ps – i thought of ticks where you thought of snakes – ha ha! at least snakes are more afraid of you – when everyone knows ticks have it in for us. also chiggers.
sorry for prev typos
March 7th, 2006 @ 7:46 pm
I like this idea, but I’m a bit of a wimp when it comes to extremely cold weather. However, when the weather isn’t cooperating, we like to go to our local Children’s Museum. The kids love it and it’s a place for them to explore and learn new things. We have actually made it a Sunday morning tradition to visit the Children’s Museum now. In the summer, we love to go camping and have found some nice campgrounds with nature trails close to our home. Our kids love exploring the trails and also enjoy reading some of the local Native American legends. I can’t wait for them to get a little bit older so we can go camping at Yellowstone National Park and visit the Grand Tetons.
March 8th, 2006 @ 6:52 am
While on this family nature subject – here is a book recomendation :
Last Child in the Woods
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1565123913/sr=8-1/qid=1141824972/ref=pd_bbs_1/002-2197948-5176026?%5Fencoding=UTF8
Its about avoiding the harmful consequences of detatching children from natural environments. One of the biggest detriments is apparently a decrease in problem solving abilities (aka creative thinking).
I just read a review of it last night by Temple Grandin (professor of animal science – behavioral expert – autistic genius) that ranked it amoung her favorite books.