Spirituality At Your Favorite Alcohol Distributing Venue
My best friend, Tami, just had her birthday and we decided to celebrate at a cozy, yet contemporary wine bar and bistro, D’Vine.
We love the atmosphere at D’Vine, but we especially love the food. Oh, and the wine is really good, too.
At one end if the room is an inviting circle of three love seats and a coffee table. To our delight on this particular Friday evening, a man began setting up a guitar and sound system across from that cushiony spot. We enjoyed our cheeses, olives, nuts and breads (oh, and the wine) in anticipation of a mediocre bar-musician.
Once set up, a middle-aged gentleman, of very ordinary middle-aged appearance, introduced himself as a regular entertainer at D’Vine. He talked about being fifty years old and excused his declining short-term memory in case numerous people began making requests. The audience, some just beginning the middle-aged adventure, others in the very throes of it, and a few moving on to an ever wiser age, chuckled in an all too real understanding.
And then the ordinary looking middle-aged gentleman began to sing with a very un-ordinary voice. He caught my attention. While conversations with our friends, Tami and Larry, are always engaging, funny, entertaining, and thought-provoking, the man at the microphone had me at the first lyric.
He sang the usual guitar-accompanied songs; pieces by James Taylor, Cat Stevens, and Jimmy Buffet. He even played Piano Man. On his guitar.
We sang along, swooning over lifetimes of song-associated memories, sometimes raising our glasses for lyrics that deserved special attention.
During one song, a man from the party behind me exited the restroom behind the musician, while dancing with abandon. A lady from his table jumped up to join him, and there we sat, in a wine bar and bistro, enjoying the dancing couple who weren’t all that good, and really didn’t care.
I felt what I often feel when music is playing, but to the degree that I feel it when at places such as sing-along piano bars. It is a music-induced high, punctuated with the shared experience of strangers. Strangers from different parts of a very large country, of different backgrounds and varied experiences, united with the common love of the same music.
That night at D’Vine, caught up in the rapture of that shared experience, enjoying the exceptional voice of the mediocre-looking middle-aged man, I flashed back to his comment of being fifty years old with a failing short-term memory. It was one of those experiences that will mean less to you as you read about it on your computer. You were not in the moment, but at the time, my heart swelled up to my throat and I felt how incredible it is to exist.
How incredible it is to exist while having a knowledge of our finality. We won’t be here long, and those before us are gone now. But at this moment, here we are. We are watching it fade as we grow older, feeling the changes that come with advancing age, and enjoying it while we have it. I wanted to hug our entertainer for bringing his normal, human self, with his normal human problems, to share music with this aging, here-to-get-away group of ordinary men and women.
It was days later that I watched The Root Of All Evil? with Richard Dawkins. I witnessed the scene at the evangelical, “rock concert” worship service. I watched the young men jumping up and down, heard the beat that drove them to elation and joy. And I related. I didn’t relate to the message. I related to the experience. Here they were, a group of strangers, joined together with a common goal, and getting high on music, the most powerful drug I know.
These are the experiences worth living for. They’re not messages from God; not unless you think Heaven means “getting wasted away again in Margaritaville.”
They’re not witnesses of truth, unless you think “the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost took the last train for the coast the day the music died”.
These experiences are endorphin-driven, organic reactions that bring us beauty, joy, and even a desire to be a better person. They are moments to seek after. They are what make it all so worth it.
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March 5th, 2006 @ 10:41 am
Your post frames the picture of a secular view of life based on the monistic belief that there is no soul that survives death. This is all there is. Is that discouraging and does it seem to make life pointless. I think not. In fact, I think just the opposite. It means that everything has just that much more meaning and importance. The times we have and the relationships we development are just that much more valuable. When we realize that we are here for just a blink of the eye in cosmic time, it seems so important that we take the brief opportunity to be happy, productive and hopefully in some small way contribute to the long term benefit of the human species. There are few, if any, more valuable contributions than raising happy, productive, intelligent children that follow an enlightened path.
March 5th, 2006 @ 11:16 am
I can relate to your experience. I usually have music playing when I am working, driving or whatever. Being of a certain age, my tastes also run along the lines of James Taylor, but also, Mel Torme’, Ella Fitzgerald and many other jazz singers and musicians in addition to classical forms.
But listening to recorded music by one’s self doesn’t touch the experience of listening to a skilled musician live along with others, with strangers. My wife and I went to a concert just last Sunday evening. My son’s former voice teacher, Stephen Stolen, sang songs of Benjamin Britten along with some traditional American folk songs. I have to admit I am not a particular fan of Britten’s music. For me, it’s a hard sell. Yet, in the context of the live performance in the setting of a very English styled half timbered Episcopal Church with all the dark woods, toll painting and stained glass, made for an enjoyable evening.
My son works for the Ravinia Music Festival in Chicago, the largest music festival in the country (perhaps the world, I’m not sure.) They run virtually every nite from around the 1st week in June to near the end of September. It is sponsored by the Chicago Symphony and most of the concerts are classically oriented including symphonic works, chamber music and even operas. But they also mix it up with the likes of Aretha Franklin, Cheap Trick (yeah, really,) Tony Bennett and others. The last concert we saw there was the Chicago Symphony, along with a large, local gospel choir, Kathleen Battle (an operatic soprano) and Bobby McFerrin. McFerrin is amazing. Ravinia is a park north of Chicago, and the concerts are outdoors, the performers doing their thing from an open shell. That, too, was a great evening.
We saw James Taylor a couple of years ago. He is, without peer my favorite singer/songwriter. He is perhaps the least pretentious and most artistically honest contemporary (at least MY contempory) performer I know of.
Unfortunately, the cost of most concerts, plays, etc. render them beyond our reach, at least on any regular basis. But live music is, for me, the closest thing to a HOLY experience. A good live performance has the effect of being infectious with the audience. It serves as an affirmation that we DO share a common love and hope with others.
I rather like a local singer/songwriter who has a connection with your part of the country. Carrie Newcomer is a folk singer who is a close compatriot of the novelist, Barbara Kingsolver, who I believe still lives in Arizona. Ms. Kingsolver has a Hoosier connection in that she attended Depauw University in Indiana after growing up in Kentucky. Newcomer has several CDs and you might enjoy checking her out on Amazon or her website which I think is simply Carrienewcomer.com. She has a daughter, by now I assume a teenager, and a good deal of her music concerns itself with being a mother and her relationships with her daughter, parents and, of course, the various directions of her love life and her career. My wife’s cousin used to play bass for her. I believe that she and Kingsolver make mutual mention of each other’s work on their respective websites.
I am always recommending performers to others, and I understand that such tastes are VERY personal, and often what I like doesn’t relate to others. But rather than curb my enthusiasm, I would rather make the mention than not. Every once in a while somebody will get back to me and say Wow! Thanks for the intro. Of course, most times I never hear back, and I just assume that whoever I may have shilled for was not their particular cup of tea. That’s okay. I recently recommended singer Morgana King to a fellow. I later asked what he thought of her. He simply stated: Hated her! Just hated her. Oh well, you can’t win them all. I’ve received a number of recommendations over the years that I failed to find interesting as well. And so it goes.
TLS
March 5th, 2006 @ 11:42 am
Well, my previous comment shows just how sloppy we can get if we think we can type without review. I’ve learned my lesson!
March 5th, 2006 @ 11:48 am
Gregg1000 wrote: it seems so important that we take the brief opportunity to be happy, productive and hopefully in some small way contribute to the long term benefit of the human species. There are few, if any, more valuable contributions than raising happy, productive, intelligent children that follow an enlightened path.
I don’t have deep insights, nor a great writing style, but just wanted to pass along that my not-quite-18 year old son, raised sans-church/religious indoctrination, just the other day came to the conclusion above… he was asking what I thought the meaning of life was (“Why are we here?”) and we settled on using our innate skills and abilities to benefit ourselves and others in meaningful ways.
And music also touches our lives; my kids have very eclectic musical tastes, which I enjoy having them share.
I echo what Gregg100 says about finding life even more precious because we don’t have faith in an “afterlife.” I, for one, have imagined some pretty sad, depressing, and non-life-affirming afterlives based on some of the ideas of the “religious.” Personally, I like the idea of reincarnation.
March 6th, 2006 @ 11:36 am
I teach reading and english. I have two volunteer R I F classes a week . I tell my students that I’m a pusher and when I’m through with them , hopefully , they’ll be hardcore addicts. That is my goal. Especially in the underserved and minority districts. I am arming them for life and no one can take it away
March 6th, 2006 @ 9:51 pm
Music does move the soul! Or your feet and neck, which ever way you want to look at it! It has always amazed me on how music can change the entire mood of every one around. And nothing beats live music. Even if is just a guy singing with his guitar. I will learn some day to play the guitar and share with people (and my children) that happiness. (just typing my thoughts out loud. maybe if I share my goals with others, I’ll be more ambitious to achive them!)
March 6th, 2006 @ 9:53 pm
You’ve written up a great way to explain the thrill of a live performance. I’ve loved music and concerts for as long as I have been able to persuade the adults in my life to take me to them. It really doesn’t matter to me if I’m at the San Francisco Symphony or the Chicago Blues Festival, if I’m watching Metallica or Natalie Merchant. Music played live hits you in the heart and reminds you that you are alive–in this moment–and that’s all that matters.
March 7th, 2006 @ 9:37 am
Here I thought you were going to mention one of my favorite new beers “Blind Faith” a pale ale from Magic Hat!
The title of the entry would have fit well!!
I was thinking of how well your entry reflects the absolute nessesity of Mardi Gras this year! There was something like 1/3rd the number of people who normally attend – and many outright opposed it.
I think Mardi Gras in New Orleans 2006 is the most life affirming image I can come up with!
Life is NOW!
March 7th, 2006 @ 2:59 pm
I’m hooked up to xm constantly. Walking , Riding , or just jamming at home
March 7th, 2006 @ 3:40 pm
Marshall Brain the creator of Howstuffworks.com and Whydoesgodhateamputees.com proposed to name all the free-thinkers of the world as Rationalists as a way to bring unity. I have to admit that reflecting inward as opposed to reading the bible in search for the truth has been an absolutely exhilirating experience. I believe that embracing critical thinking has done more for the advancement of our species than any book, religion, or single person. These last couple of days have been really tough for me. As an ex-Catholic I was so close to start praying to a god and asking for a miracle. It’s a 20 year habit so praying is not easy to simpy forget. But because I don’t attend a church or have anyone in my family that think the same way I do I’m tempted to pray. But I ask you dear readers of agnosticmom.com. What do you guys do when you roll the dice and it doesn’t go your way but this time what you played for could mean life or death. I practice strict accountablity so those of you wondering I made a wrong choice in the past and now I’m paying for it. But I just feel I should be doing something while the initial shock goes away. Does any of this make sense to anyone? There’s strength in numbers I’ve learned that a long time ago. So what do agnostics, secular humanists, atheists, infidels, rationalists, and brights do in times of personal crisis? Where can we go? Also I think it’s great to connect somehow through Noell’s website but why is it that it seems we don’t have a voice outside of cyberspace?
March 7th, 2006 @ 4:33 pm
Rodolfo, whatever your issue, I bet you are blaming yourself too much. Part of American religious dogma is to encourage guilt, by placing blame on the individual rather than the system. But the way society is structured is usually what pushes people into desperate corners, with little recourse.
So, one way to have a voice is to work for social reforms. In other countries, where agnosticism is more the rule than the exception, the government’s social contract with its citizen is very different than in the U.S. In a dog-eat-dog, unregulated capitalist society, life is only good for those who look and act like others, who suffer rare and small misfortunes and/or who have the money to make up the difference when things go badly.
By contrast, in most socialist countries (i.e., where society is structured for everyone) people are afforded serious offsets from misfortune: higher employment rate, a substantial minimum wage, healthcare, childcare, psychological services, full education…
In America a major source of distress is work. Whereas American workers are often alienated from their work, Europeans refuse the view that a company is a playing card to traded away in a single-minded quest to enrich directors and shareholders. Rather, they see companies as living things, each one a network of human relationships organized to serve an overriding economic and social purpose.
Despite claims to the contrary. America is richer than Europe, not because it works smart, but because it works long. Americans work, on average, 300 hours more a year than people in Britain, France and Germany. How I envied a co-worker in Netherlands who was taking a month of his six weeks of vacation to renew his spirit and go kayaking in Alaska. A sixth more American women work than European women, more American old people are at work and fewer young Americans get to study.
This economic strength pays for a social contract that offers most individual Europeans opportunity, mobility and security that is beyond the compass of most ordinary Americans. In Old Europe status, opportunity and life chances were determined by accident of birth. Twenty-five years of conservative economic and social policies are burying that American dream.
The impact of America’s approach on individual lives shows up in international surveys of happiness and sense of well-being, where Americans score so badly. An obsessive individualism in a society in which so many are harmed eats away at the capacity to empathize, and the very stuff of human association is undermined. A Hobbesian society, a war of all against all, is not an environment in which human beings can flower.
‘Nuff said. Get involved! Agitate! Vote!
In the meantime, participating with others in political groups can fill in the gap as we await the day when we get America back.
March 7th, 2006 @ 5:32 pm
Rodolpho- It’s so good to hear from you again! I’m sorry you are experiencing a personal struggle. Whatever positive affects that may come from praying is not metaphysical, but natural. You can have the same benefits inside by meditating, reading something positive, sharing with a friend, or going out for a run. As for external help from prayer: you are no more likely to turn “fate” with a prayer than you are to change circumstances just by wishing it. Just know that human beings are remarkable at our ability to overcome the odds and start over.
Go to your video store and check out the movie, “Touching The Void.” It is my favorite movie ever, and it will blow you away. It is a documentary of two mountain climbers who climbed an impossible peak. The film goes back and forth between interviews of the climbers, and a phenomenal re-enactment of the story. It illustrates how one non-religious climber dealt with his battle against death. It is unreal, empowering, and a demonstration of the human spirit and ability to overcome.
While I’m recommending this movie to Rodolpho, I would mandate that everyone see it if I had the power!
March 7th, 2006 @ 5:40 pm
Hifi- I realize you may not know the answer to this, but just in case you or someone else does, I have always wondered how companies in more socialist countries deal with the loss of a key employee for such a long period of time.
I understand that must partially contribute to lesser wealth, but I also wonder how a company actually fills in for that missing employee, and then plugs the employee back in when they return.
Do employers complain about this as a problem, or do they feel satisfied with the freedom the policy gives and their solutions to the the problem of a missing employee?
March 7th, 2006 @ 6:29 pm
Obviously the specific action depends on your situation but I think there are definitely clear guidelines that funnel the solution process. You have already taken two major steps by accepting accountability for the mistake and chosing to think the situation through and make rational decisions. The mistake is water over the dam and you are here today. Now what? Now what does a dyed-in-the-wool rationalist do, especially when a matter of life and death is involved?
The first action is to chose to live. If one choses not to live, the action is simple. Do nothing! Don’t eat, don’t drink, just do nothing.
If one choses to live, clearly, the “optimium” actions are the ones that contribute to a continued and “happy” life. I enclosed happy in quotes for a reason. I am going to define “happy” as achieving your goals, no matter what they are. So your first task, now that you’ve decided to live is to set some realistic goals and to start taking pleasure in the fact that you have what it takes to not only set a realistic goal but to follow through and achieve it. Each success is worth rewarding yourself even if it is a mental pat on the back, an M&M, a hot fudge sundae, or whatever you feel you deserve. This process takes some practice and I strongly recommend you take little bites equivalent to an obese person just skipping one major item at one meal and taking credit for it. You will be amazed at how much pleasure you can start to feel. All three steps must be there. Goal, achievement, reward.
Now as a practicing rational thinker, how do you do “optimum thinking”? I want to make it clear, I am not talking about the Tony Robbins “Positive Thinking”. I’m talking about solving an immediate situation. There are many approaches so I will concentrate on optimal thinking processes when someone is, let’s say, “off track.”
You start to ask yourself questions that sound like –
What is the best way to handle this?
What is the best solution?
What is my highest priority now?
What is the best opportunity I can act on now?
What resources will be most beneficial in helping take action now?
What is the most constructive action I can take now?
Who are the right people to share my goals and plans with?
Remember, a goal is a scheduled event, not a dream. There should be a date or time with every goal and you should have a clear idea what constitutes achievement of that goal so you can check it off. One or two goals is enough to get started.
I am aware of an event that happened last month when a husband and wife team of rationalists had a life and death situation. The husband was critically ill and at one point given two hours to live. His wife, was not praying. She was working night and day thinking about the types of questions I listed above and making sure that every base was covered. She made sure he was getting the best medical help available, making sure the doctors got the best information on possible causes, making sure the chances of secondary infections were minimized, etc. etc. That is how a rational person acts. That rational wife is my daughter and I was very proud of her. Her husband recovered and instead of weeks of therapy that were anticipated, he is back at work and doing fine.
Without even knowing you, I have great confidence that when you really focus on making the best of your situation, you will find a way to make beneficial progress toward getting your problem behind you. The human mind is incredibly powerful when given a chance to solve a problem instead of showing a lack of confidence in yourself by turning yourself over to some ethereal “help”. Give yourself a chance. You can do it!
March 7th, 2006 @ 7:23 pm
Greg, that was excellent advice. It really is a matter of asking yourself how to move forward. I have to differ with you on one small detail: Tony Robbins cannot be reduced to a “positive thinker.” Among numerous detailed, well-researched and in-depth approaches, your very advice to ask new questions is also one of Tony Robbin’s techniques.
Robbins teaches that people ask themselves the wrong kinds of questions. Questions like, “Why me?” The way to pull yourself out of a messy situation, a rut, a depression, any severe problem as your example of your incredible daughter, is to ask questions that will lead you to answers that move you forward.
While I don’t read typical self-help books, Tony Robbins is one of my mentors and heroes.
Rodolpho, stay in touch with us. You can find your way somewhere better.
March 8th, 2006 @ 7:50 am
Rodolfo -
I’m sorry to hear you are in such an anxious state – and that you are stunned by it in such a way that you don’t know which way to turn. Feeling an urge to revert to the religious practices from your past is absolutely natural – - the church actually relies on people being in a state such as yours in order to bring them in and establish them as dependent on the comfort to be found there.
I’m going to shift from the others a little here, and suggest that if it is prayer that you feel you want to pursue – by all means, pray in whatever way suits you best. Prayer is modeled after techniques of disassociating with a problem or desire enough to look at it objectively – and it truly can work for the individual in that respect!
To me, in situations like yours, its not WHY something works – its whether or not it can help. Then when you are in the clear – you can learn why it worked, and fine tune your approaches.
Asking for help among strangers is no easy thing – and you danced around the specifics enough to make me concerned that it is a serious problem – I’d like to suggest a book that helped me in the past, and that I recommend to people who are facing dire stressers:
You Can’t Afford the Luxury of a Negative Thought by Peter McWilliams
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0931580242/sr=8-2/qid=1141828418/ref=pd_bbs_2/002-2197948-5176026?%5Fencoding=UTF8
It is for people with life threatening illnesses (and in defining life threatening illnesses – the author included life itself, for those living in pain).
It is primarily about strengthening one’s resolve to live – and live with joy, like Gregg100 wrote. Tons of techniques included – something for everyone.
I hope this can be of some help.
March 8th, 2006 @ 12:45 pm
Noell – In Europe, vacation time often occurs in August–all of August! A European Union directive prescribes four weeks annual leave for all employees, but some countries’ national laws exceed this allotment. Other countries also have national laws requiring employees to have vacation time.
Here’s a list – about half way down the page. Bottom-line: for the most enlightened and prosperous countries in the world money ain’t all there is. Thus the higher perception of happiness and quality of life. Makes it a lot easier not to be overwhelmed with personal problems.
March 9th, 2006 @ 1:24 am
Thank you everyone for the advice. I will definitely follow-up on books/movies you’ve all recommended. My condition is very serious but whether it was this or something else I would probably still have the same questions. My family and close friends fully support me. I don’t feel alone in that sense. What struck me was even though I was showered with love and support at the end of the day i still had to contend with my thoughts…I like to think of myself as having a pretty good attitude and believe that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it. But that 10% just brought me back down to earth. You realize science doesn’t have all the answers(yet) and no matter how well you prepare yourself you can’t cover every possible contingency…It was very humbling and I felt really small. So small that I started to imagine our ancestors feeling the same way and “thinking up” gods or demons to make sense of everything. I guess it’s just in my nature. I don’t think I’ll ever go back to being a Catholic or to any other ancient faith though. I’ve seen too many facts to turn away from agnosticism. But for as long as live I can only be a 100% sure( or unsure) to a certain point. It’s mind boggling to think about what happens next. I know all the facts about death but deep inside my personal wish is that after I take my last breath in this world I will transform into shooting star and travel across the universe smiling because I finally know the truth…..okay enough of that. Noell thank you for allowing me an outlet. I feel a lot better but it will still be a tough few days/months. I’ve chosen to live and hopefully I’ll continue to learn more about myself and the world we live in the way I had everything planned out before my predicament. It’s so cool that you’re getting more exposure. It’s nice to read all the new topics and comments. You’re a hero in my eyes with the work you do for this website and your family. Keep up the great job. And again I’d like to thank the readers. The most important thing is to continue this dialogue on religion in a way that despite our stance we’ll still continue to learn something new. Thanks a bunch folks.
March 9th, 2006 @ 6:40 am
Rodolpho, I’m glad you checked back in. I may be wrong, but from what I can tell, it sounds like you have climbed over the hump of your dilemma/tragedy, and you’re ready, to walk forward with your life again, although with appropriate and understandable timidity. I hope this is the case, at least.
It requires so much courage, not having the hope of something all-powerful who can fix things for us. Having viewed yourself from a different angle, you have a perspective that not everybody has a chance to see.
Hopefully what you can take with you is a better picture of YOU, an appreciation of all that you are, and the life you want to make for yourself.
June 11th, 2006 @ 5:46 am
Welcome to the Carnival of the Godless!!…
Today is Sunday, June 11th. I am your host – The Atheist Mama.
We have a lot of great submissions today. I hope you enjoy them as much as I have! Our first submission was written by Zachary Moore……
December 4th, 2006 @ 6:02 pm
I believe you echo the thoughts of many. We need more straight talking and considered comment like this. good point!