A Bit O’ Luck
I was never interested in St. Patrick’s Day, even as a kid. My family didn’t do anything in particular to celebrate the holiday, which reduced it to a day of potential pinches. So irritating. At the same time I resented the pressure to wear green. I didn’t want to wear green. Especially if someone was threatening to pinch me if I didn’t.
Anticipating St. Patrick’s Day this year as a blogger, I decided to actually learn about the holiday. Maybe there would be some interesting connection I could make between luck, superstition, Christianity, and secularism.
It turns out the original holiday had nothing to do with leprechauns or pots of gold. What did the holiday celebrate? The man, St. Patrick, single-handedly converted the people of Ireland from Paganism to Christianity. He used the Shamrock, a three-leafed, clover to teach about the concept of the Trinity (where did the four-leaf clover idea come from? I remember searching entire yards for four-leafed clovers!).
Apparently Ireland had its tradition of leprechauns, but they had no relation to St. Patrick’s Day until Disney associated the two concepts in a movie (wouldn’t you know?). While I’m sure there is more I could report about this holiday, I lost interest as soon as I learned it was strictly a holy day to celebrate the country’s conversion to Christianity.
Rather than talk more about origins, I’m blogging about my “Luck” today. In this case, a luck of the draw when it comes to In-Laws.
Would you feel lucky if, when you “came out” to your In-Laws, they told you they respected you? If they offered to never try to convert your children (their grandchildren) to religion? If they reassured you they wouldn’t sneak their own beliefs to the kids?
I am lucky.
Would you consider yourself lucky if your In-Laws enjoyed (at least partially) reading your agnostic blog, which often rants about religion? Even the religion of those same In-Laws? What if your father-in-law (Jerry) advised his now agnostic daughter (Sadie) to start reading your blog? Wouldn’t you feel lucky? Lucky to have such reasonable In-Laws, that is?
Can you imagine how lucky I feel that my mother-in-law (Debbie) recently sent me an email with a compilation of her thoughts in response to my blog? She introduced it by saying:
I never know for sure how to respond to things, especially when I am emotionally involved. My feelings can be raw and emotional when I first think of them, so I find it therapeutic to write them down. This time I did it in the form of a letter to you. I decided that I should send them to you because you are so objective and interested in differing opinions. If you would like to quote or comment on anything I wrote here, be my guest. I only hope that you know that, regardless of what either one of us believe, you are important to me and I want to have/ keep a good relationship with you.
From Debbie’s explanations of certain things, I realized she worried that I resented her; resented her for taking the kids to church when we leave them with her to go out of town. We are lucky that she revealed her worries so I could clear it up. Taking them to church is only what I expect. She has to go to church. She has my kids. Therefore, my kids go to church. Israel and I are lucky to get away a few times a year.
But do you know what else makes me so lucky? I don’t think I can possibly have more supportive In-Laws. Tell me I did not find my pot of gold when I married into this family. Debbie said:
You see my emotions here, I’m sure – gladness, comfort, joy, sadness, pain, wonder, and gratitude. Life is only worth living if we can feel and share these feelings with others… to love and be loved… to know that there are people who will stand by you no matter what.
I stand by you, Noell. I love you
Later she left a message on my phone telling me she thought it is wonderful that I blog the way I do, and encouraged me to “keep blogging.”
How can you get more lucky than that?
(Note to Father-in-Law: Happy birthday!)
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March 17th, 2006 @ 8:04 am
You are lucky! I am lucky too, I have awsome in-laws also!!!
Anyways, Noell, I’m sure you could find a constructive way to celebrate St. Patrick day. I know you celebrate x-mas and easter, using it as a way to form traditions with your family. Maybe St. Patricks day could be a way to learn about the Irish or Irland. I only enjoy St. Patricks day out of respect for a close and wonderful family friend who moved here from Irland so many years ago. He came here and had to fight in our war during Vietnam and to this day still spreds cheer with everyone he incounters. He also still has an accent which how could you not fall in love with!
Maybe you could build of the phrase “Luck of the Irish” and talk about luck. Luck inturn can show appreciation for the things you have. I know I honestly wake up everyday overwhelmed by my luck of having such a wonderful husband, beautiful children, and a nice home. Wouldn’t hurt to have another day to reflect!?!
March 17th, 2006 @ 7:40 pm
Lucky indeed!
Congrats on marrying into a wonderful family.
Thank you for a interesting post.
Maybe one of these days I’ll start posting again.:)
March 17th, 2006 @ 10:01 pm
Beautiful!
I haven’t done this with my in-laws, because if I would discuss my feelings on the matter - it would pretty much make it impossible for her NOT to, and I don’t think she is ready to do that - and may never be.
I discussed it with my mom a little - when she persistently asked why I wasn’t having our baby baptized. I tried to deflect - saying its increasingly common to allow children to choose this for themselves when they are old enough to decide - it wasn’t enough. She was raised catholic - she asked me “Aren’t you afraid that if something should happen, that Tessa would go to hell?”.
Blood pounded in ears - out came “Mom, I don’t even BELIEVE in hell.” - which of course was followed by “How can you believe in heaven then?” Oy. So I told her I didn’t. Which made her cry. In her head I had just condemned all of our ancestors to oblivion - and shattered her hopes of being reunited with her first husband and her mother - and so forth - flood gates opened. I calmed the waters with “If there IS a loving God, Mom, surely you can’t believe that he would send our baby to hell?”.
She said no - and calmed significantly.
My mother doesn’t belong to a church, hasn’t attended in more than 10 years, and not a catholic church in over 33 years, yet her upbringing has her emotionally crippled with some notion that babies are bad until men make them good (men who seem to be disproportionately guilty of molesting children).
She asked me “How long have you felt this way?”. I asked her if she remembered me hiding on Sunday mornings - or if she remembered me saying “Isn’t it a little obvious that God is ‘good’ with a missing ‘o’ and Devil is ‘evil’ with a ‘d’ added to it? Its symbolism, you guys!
They took me to the pastor’s office and left me there to talk to him. I sat and we had a very easy and cordial conversation - he said something along the lines of “you are certainly not the only one who feels this way” - and we parted as friends. I’m sure my parents thought he was going to break out the thumbscrews. I wasn’t even 12 when this happened.
So - um, where was I?
You are lucky!
Also lucky to have articulate in-laws that care so deeply for your relationship to be healthy, and to keep to your wishes regarding your children!
My parents and in-laws are really wonderful people, but the lines of communication are not as open or healthy.
–
As for St. Patrick’s Day celebrations, my baby girl kissed me for the first time last night - associating that to ‘kiss me, I’m Irish’ I think I’ve got a memory worth celebrating this time every year for the rest of my days!
Also - I like to think of the Leprechauns as proof that the pagans were not converted, we keep their critters closest at hand on the day meant to celebrate their nonexistence
March 17th, 2006 @ 11:16 pm
Christy–good point and good suggestion.
Ron–I loved reading your post. Thank you so much. And congratulations on the sweet and lucky kiss from your baby girl. How old is she now?
For me, the belief in hell makes the entire religious belief system evil.
March 18th, 2006 @ 12:10 am
It has been wonderful to find your blog Mom! : ) Thank you. You are indeed lucky. So, if your mother-in-law reads this: thank you. It takes great love and care to realize that beliefs can get in the way of actual loving and caring.
As to St. Patrick’s story… it was interesting enough to me. Mostly because I’m familiar with other stories of conversion of “heathens.” From a human side, such a missionary undertaking would be intriguing — even if I consider it misguided. Thanks for this post, it was a wonderful wonderful touch for St., Patricks.
Best Regards,
Nacho
WoodMoor Village
March 18th, 2006 @ 4:53 am
That is a fabulous position to be in.
And so far as St. Patrick’s Day, haven’t heard of that pinching tradition.
March 18th, 2006 @ 5:59 am
Didn’t you know? That’s why the four-leaf ones are lucky.
The poor pagans would find a four-leaf clover and say “Woo-hoo!!! I found a shamrock that doesn’t represent the trinity!!!”
March 18th, 2006 @ 6:45 am
I have a town house in an urban neighborhood and all I see on St.Patricks day are drunks acting stupid and frying their limited numbers of brain cells . To beat all they seem to be enjoying it.
March 18th, 2006 @ 9:07 am
You make me sound better than I am, Noell, though I did write those quotes and I do mean them. And what a great tradition for St. Patrick’s Day - to think of all the ways you are lucky! I am lucky to have you - a wife and mother concerned enough to raise responsible, reasoning, and happy children for my son and grandchildren - what more can I ask?
March 18th, 2006 @ 10:43 am
luck is in 8 parts out of 10 a reflection of how one moves thru their life.
and 2 parts in 10 that random chance
so yes you are very lucky, and in being so, showing how you lead a balanced beautiful life. a most wonderful form of luck indeed
I love your site graphic, its so peaceful, time to wander again in the leaves yet its spring!!
Leaves letting loose to be free
to swirl and dance upon the wind
Once upon a summer
They tried so hard to reach in growth to crack the sky
Imagine the joy upon colorful bursting to release
Spiraling finally to be free
with this last dance to the ground.
peace in your days
-casey
March 18th, 2006 @ 12:03 pm
You are truly lucky Noell. My hope is that someday my family will be that understanding. At this point, though, my hopes are waning.
Our families have informed us that we “have” to believe in god and that we are just mad at him right now. We have also been told that we are just saying there is not a god to make waves in the family (even though we have both felt this way since high school).
My brother in law recently joined an evangelical church and has made it his point to “save us from hell”. He (brother in law) became so angry at my husband a couple of months ago that he did not speak to us for weeks. This was all over the fact that my husband disagreed with a statement brother in law made. I admire my husband because he has the ability to stay calm even when people become aggressive in a conversation. I do not have this ability…I tend to get frustrated and angry when someone refuses to be rational
We have now been told by my father in law that we are not allowed to speak about our beliefs at family gatherings because it upsets brother in law. I thought this was pretty interesting because we NEVER bring up anything to do with religion because it does not matter to us. However, when we are attacked and ridiculed for our beliefs we feel the need to defend ourselves and try to educate our families about common misconceptions about atheists. We have shown them respect…I just wish they would show us some.
March 18th, 2006 @ 1:57 pm
When someone has to contemplate the possibility the God they have worshiped a lifetime is just pretend it can come as quite a shock. So it’s no wonder many folks react the way they do. Remember when you first discovered Santa wasn’t real . In spite of it all you still wanted to ” pretend ” you still believed, because of the association he had to gifts and overall happiness . It was a natural response . People who have believed in god need the same comfort level and they get it from others who believe because they don’t want to “not ” believe despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary. That is the cunning effect religion holds on the worshiper. They are taught to “hope ” for ” that ” miracle by having faith !! They are asked to search their supernatural , magical souls and come up with an answer. It’s sad, real sad.
March 18th, 2006 @ 3:45 pm
Just by watching “Jeopardy” the other day, I learned of another instance of trinity representation. THE PRETZEL!! The shaping of the pretzel makes 3 holes which are representative of the trinity. The manner in which the ends of the pretzel are brought down toward the middle is supposedly representational of hands folded in prayer.
I’ve eaten probably thousands of pretzels in my time. I guess they didn’t take.
TLS
March 18th, 2006 @ 4:00 pm
Terry–who knew?
If for no other reason than to learn this new pretzel fact I began my blog.
March 19th, 2006 @ 6:18 am
Maybe this is why Bush choked on a pretzel?
March 19th, 2006 @ 6:20 am
Wow!! That’s great. You are very lucky to have a supportive family. Good for them for being open minded.
March 19th, 2006 @ 1:26 pm
My impression is that you have a very mature, sensitive and open mother in-law that feels open communication with you is very important. You, in turn, recognize the great value that is to both of you. It is a tremendous opportunity for the two of you to learn the many opinions or positions the two of you share. It can be one more step in breaking down the stereotype of all secular, humanistic, agnostic people as being DEFINED by some form of atheism. We are much broader than that and support such causes as clean environments, human rights, equal opportunity, public education, democracy, patriotism, charitable acts, family values, etc., etc.
In my latest post in my own blog I identified five disciplines I feel are critical to future societies that can learn as they go and I see potential for at least three of them in your blog; i.e., communication, open mindedness and sharing of common visions. As others have said … you are very fortunate.
March 19th, 2006 @ 9:18 pm
Luck?
March 20th, 2006 @ 5:28 pm
I repeat, “Luck? It’s kind of a messy supernatural concept, isn’t it? Although it can mean random chance, it is also hitched to ideas of fate, fortune and providence. Trying to influence it leads to unsavory private and communal rituals in the attempt to invoke good luck, as well as avoidance rituals to ward off ill-luck (prayer, tarot, numerololgy, symbols and totems, salt over the shoulder, sidewalk cracks, black cat crossings, etc.)
We don’t use the term in our household. Instead, of “That was lucky,” we say, “That’s very nice for you.”
I bet you can all think of some quite bizarre anecdotes in this regard. For instance, when I was a teen I would engage in a weird private ritual, which was if I threw all of the darts in the inside ring on the dart board, it would mean that something would go my way. Of course, I would miss, and then have to re-negotiate, perpetuating the game. I did get good at darts and I have heard that many athletes and performers are highly ritualistic so maybe it has some use.
But for the most part, anthropomorphizing natural processes beyond our rational understanding in order to manipulate them in our favor is a nefarious part of being human that we non-supernaturalists need to make continual effort to stay conscious of.
March 20th, 2006 @ 6:03 pm
Hifi–Umm, perhaps you took my post, with its use of the word, “Luck” too seriously. As if my using it may lead to some magical negative consequences; bad luck.
I originally intended on using the idea of luck as an example of superstition. I ended up doing nothing with the holiday (including NOT cooking the Irish cabbage soup recipe that looked incredible), but felt like using the luck idea for a post.
While I am careful with my vocabulary for the most part, I don’t think anyone here would really mistake my post for an acceptance of superstitious luck.
I will say, though, that I think it quite appropriate to refer to luck as coincidence that happen to favor you. When I was in sales, I decided that a person’s success is not always 100% hard work, but also usually included an amount of luck: knowing the right people, or finding that one right person. It’s not the fates blowing magical fortune your way. It’s not the result of rituals. It is simply something positive that happens to favor you.
And as a previous reader commented, much of our luck is really a return on our goodness to other people: the natural result of treating others well so it is easier for them to be good to you in return.
As long as we use it with its accurate definition of random chance, I have no problem with using the word. Especially when the good “fortune” (ah-ha! There’s another one of those words) could otherwise be attributed to a blessing from God. “Blessing” is a word I would be more concerned about.
March 20th, 2006 @ 10:52 pm
Of course a number of people tend to extrapolate happenstance as either being blessed or cursed. I use the term “luck” more in line with, say, chance. A great example is in football. The bounce of a football is pretty much unpredictable. The results of an entire game can literally turn on the bounce of the ball. I know that there are those who would say that there is in fact causality in play. That the ball bounced as it did in consequence of the way it was kicked, or the way a player dropped it, and so on. But as regards “luck” the direction the ball takes is random as far as the players are concerned. They have no clue. Witness the scramble for the ball after a fumble. That is crazy time. Often the player winding up on top of the ball is the “lucky” one. It was, in other words, pure chance. God didn’t put it there. The guy who comes up with the ball smiling and waving to the crowd was simply “lucky.”
One is “lucky” to find a twenty dollar bill on the sidewalk. Perhaps 50 other people stepped right over it without seeing it. But one “lucky” person happens to glance down at just the the right time. It was not providence. It was simply a series of events that culminated in one person leaning down and picking up the twenty dollar bill, looking around, shrugging his (or her) shoulders, slipping the bill in a pocket and continuing on down the sidewalk.
On a slightly different but related topic: When you see an athlete cross herself prior to taking a foul shot in basketball, or dropping to one knee in the end zone after making a touchdown, isn’t it just a little ditsy to assume that any god worthy of the title would involve himself in the outcome of basketball and football games, but has nothing to say about the holacaust? Isn’t praying for god’s help with sinking a foul shot the height of hubris?
Sorry, now I’m ranting.
TLS
March 21st, 2006 @ 7:57 am
Great examples of actual luck, Terry.
As for the idea of God fixing a basketball game, but standing on the sidelines for the holocaust, I had a similar thought yesterday. I was thinking about the silly Bible story where God allows the donkey (is that what the animal was?) to talk to its master and tell the master to stop beating him. Yet, I think about all the children caught in child pornography rings, used for sex. Is a donkey being hit that much more important than these tiny helpless children? I was just reading about an eighteen-month-old baby being used. I won’t go into any more details than that. It’s disgusting to think that a god who stops a donkey from being hit, or helps a team win their game, would allow children to be beaten, killed, and sexually tortured.
March 21st, 2006 @ 8:30 am
That is the absurdity, isn’t it? God’s defenders usually fall back on the argument of how we cannot fathom god’s plan. If genocide, child abuse or mass starvation is part of god’s plan, then god is a madman.
Of course that throws the onus on us. WE are responsible for all of the above and more. But WE are also responsible for great things as well. It is we puny humans who created the wonders of our existence. We are capable of such incredible highs and lows. Most of us float around somewhere in between. Our charge, if it can be said that we have one, is to eradicate the lows and reach for the highs. I fear that we can’t accomplish that as long as god is in the picture.
TLS
March 21st, 2006 @ 8:45 am
Well said, Terry. That is the very thing this all boils down to and we should be giving it much more attention on this blog.
March 22nd, 2006 @ 2:22 pm
Yes, we are very lucky to have mom. She and dad are very understanding and always love unconditionally. She has a very rare point of view. She has always been so adament about never lying to us and never even told us there was a Santa Clause. But she honestly believes that religion is not a belief but a truth, and with that firm in her mind there is nothing you can say.
I am happy. She is happy. There is no loss in having different opinions, it opens the mind.
I love you mom; I love you Noell. That’s what is important. =)
March 22nd, 2006 @ 2:58 pm
Love you, too, Sadie-Lady.