A Report On The State Of My Religion-Deprived Children
They are only eight, six, and three years old. There remains much to be seen. But it helps to take a periodic look at how moral or immoral, how healthy or unhealthy, how successful or unsuccessful my children are to date, now 4 years without religion in the home.
Aiden has added two undesirable words to his vocabulary. So far I have tried giving him explanations about the inappropriateness of the words, I have separated him from the rest of the family when he insists on using them, and I have tried ignoring it. Nothing has worked. In fact, he thought it was really funny to use his new vocabulary with his teacher. He told her, “You’re Poo-poo!”
Nice.
On the other hand, he tells me at random times throughout the day, “I love you, Mama.” When we drop the kids off at school he says, “I miss Blake and Trin.” Mostly good words come from that sweet boy’s mouth. Is he any different than any other three-year-old? Well, yes. He’s cuter.
I admit that with our crazy schedule, I have neglected to introduce the alphabet (except the song) to Aiden. He just turned three and it suddenly occurred to me that I should get him an ABC book when my sister told me her toddler, not yet two, can identify most of the letters. Coincidentally, my mom brought him one when she came into town Friday. To my delight, he opened the book and asked first about the Letter A, rather than the accompanying pictures. He’s ready to learn.
Trinity, six years old, sucks her thumb, despite the dentist’s and my own admonitions. She tells me all the time that she didn’t suck all night. But I still catch her.
She loves pretty things and pretty people. She has only just recently taken to heart the idea that some pretty people can also be mean. And some not-so pretty people can be very good, fun, and smart.
Trinity loves to take care of other people and animals. She’s one of those extraordinary people who LOVES to share. She enjoys the feeling of sharing something with others more than she enjoys the actual thing she could have kept to herself.
Trinity is an artist and she expresses it with her creative clothing designs, her visual artwork, her singing and dancing.
Two days ago she asked about a book she found in the garage. Blake told her it was a Bible. “What’s a Bible?” she asked.
Blake is more complicated. I realized he could understand deep and abstract concepts at only two years old. He is a thinker. In fact, when I had my third child, I noticed the world could fall apart all around Blake, and he wouldn’t notice. He was in his own world. Our toddling baby could have been screaming with something fallen on top of him, and Blake would be right there unaware of it all. What has surprised me most is that in this past year, Blake has somehow learned to be more aware of others around him. He no longer sits oblivious to siblings in need, but has become very helpful and compassionate.
I love that Blake takes responsibility for his choices. He acknowledges them, tries to figure out why he made them, and apologizes right away. He is so mature.
Two days ago the school sent a letter home stating that Blake’s teacher recommended him for the gifted program and they would like to begin testing him next week. Blake excels in every subject. Each week his teacher gives him five of his own spelling words to match his learning level. As opposed to words like, “we’ll” and “they’ll”, Blake gets words like “collaboration” “chronological” and “Afghanistan.” A few weeks ago Blake begged the teacher to give him the longest word he’d ever heard: “antidisestablishmentarianism.” She refused the first week, but when he kept on her the next week, she relented. Of course, he got it right on the test. And he taught the word to his babysitter.
Okay, so I am bragging a bit. All three of my kids are awesome. They don’t have religion, but they do have goodness. They don’t have doctrine, but they have ideas. They’re pretty great kids.
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May 8th, 2006 @ 2:55 pm
Awww - they sound wonderful!!!
They are learning goodness from their core, and not out of fear. They’re going to be strong and wonderful adults. I like hearing about them.
Jen
May 8th, 2006 @ 5:17 pm
A minor note of caution on the “gifted program”. My children all went through it and it had its issues at times. One of the worst was when a particular director of the program tried to make it very “elitist” and caused a lot of problems by telling the participating kids they were “above the rest” of their classmates. We were able to get him removed and straighten out the little snobs he created but it took some effort to design and implement some humbling experiences for them. Otherwise, some of the opportunities were great and had very beneficial impacts.
May 9th, 2006 @ 7:29 am
Hi Noell
I am delighted to hear that your children are doing so well without religion. They sound wonderful. I really admire your stance, particularly given your Mormon background. It must have been very hard for you to break away and bring your children up out of the faith.
As you will gather from my URL, I have been inspired to set up a blog too. I am bringing up my two children without religion, though luckily I have the support of my family and most of my husband’s, both of us having been brought up without religion ourselves. Indeed, the most enthusiastic atheist I know is my mother, with whom I have endless discussions on the subject.
As you will see, if you have the time to read any of my blog, I am becoming increasingly worried about the amount of religion being forced on my children at primary school. Although Britain is supposedly a secular nation, religion is coming more and more to the fore, and my children really feel that they are in the minority.
Max, who’s 11, came home yesterday and told me that he had been challenged by a girl in the playground who asked him if it was true that he didn’t believe in god. He said yes, and the girl said, ‘oh, so you believe in the devil, then?’. He said ‘no, I don’t believe in him, either.’ The girl then said: ‘So that means you don’t know the difference between right and wrong.’ I was intrigued to know what Max said to that. ‘I’m a humanist’, he said, ‘and I probably know more about right and wrong than you do.’ I felt so proud, but also felt a little pang to know what Max’s (good, Christian) peers think about him and about anyone else who doesn’t believe in god.
I am known amongst my friends and family for ranting on about all this, and often I am made to feel that I am being paranoid. However, as more and more religion creeps into schools and more and more creationist nonsense slithers onto the science curriculum, I am inclined to think that my fears are justified. There has never been a more important time to speak up for our worldview, and it really helps to know that someone with similar views to mine is out there.
I am a complete novice at this blogging thing, so I hope you won’t mind if I get in touch to ask your advice from time to time.
Good luck with everything.
Pauline Brown
May 9th, 2006 @ 9:35 am
Sounds like they’re doing great! Meaning, you must be a terrific mother! It’s not what you building you take them to, it’s the people who raise them that make good kids! You’ll hafta let us know how Blake does in the advanced classes… you hgear some many people say it’s good for them, it’s bad for them, stunted socially, this , that and the other…
Speaking of morality in kids, though:
As a side story, while baby sitting my nephews last weekend for my brother, a devout if semi-liberal Christian, I awoke to the sounds of my four-year-old nephew saying, “Shit! Shit! Shit!” and grinning from ear to ear, while his parroting little brother stood behind him going “Sith! Sith! Sith!” And while I could really care less, as my whole thing is “a word is a word is a word, it’s the intent and meaning behind the words,” I knew this wouldn’t make he and his wife too happy.
They took it better than I thought they would, getting a small chuckle out of it, but Henry did get a lecture on word-use and appropriateness!
Kids crack me up!
May 9th, 2006 @ 3:10 pm
Ah! Your kids sound much like my own two. I sometimes worry about them growing up without religion but when I’m reassured that my kids aren’t the only ones. I often reflect on how loving and non-judgemental my kids are. I love sharing with them the positive things about people rather than the judgemental attitudes of so many religons.
May 14th, 2006 @ 6:47 pm
Hurrah for bragging! Your kids sound wonderful and well-adjusted. Happy Mother’s Day, too. Hope you’re having a wonderful, relaxing day.
June 28th, 2006 @ 12:17 pm
Speaking as another mom raising kids without a designated religion, I am in agreement with all of you here. You know, every day there are people dying for their tunnel-visioned view or hurting others because of them. I am trying to educate my kids to be open-minded in hopes that these things won’t have to happen. My MIL just told me how disappointed she was in my husband and I for choosing to not follow the Christian path. I stuck up for myself for the first time and it felt so good. She will have to learn to tolerate our view just as I tolerate hers. She made it clear that she thinks a religious upbringing equates with a moral upbringing. I was raised without religion and felt so “attacked” by that statment. I’m sure this will be the beginning of many comments to fly my way. Sure feels great to have so many others out there that feel as my husband and I do. Thanks.
October 4th, 2006 @ 4:19 pm
I am 47 and was raised without religion by wonderful parents. By any religions standard of what a good person is, kind, giving, loving and honest, my parents were the best. I, and my siblings, are successful, happy parents raising children in the same way. What a joy to be able to see the world free of dogma, negativity and opression and enjoy the glory of human potential, ownership of ones own thoughts and actions and belief in ones own ability to influence ones own life. Yes, there were times we felt we were outcasts, we longed for the escapism of blaming or appealing to a higher power. Yet we found our spirituality in our hearts, in nature, the world around us and our fellow humans. You are great parents. Your children are surely blessed to be raised free to find their own spirits.
April 1st, 2007 @ 1:34 pm
they sound like great kids. But one of these days they’re going to wonder about why they’re here, it sounds like blake has already started down that road, and that’s not a question you can answer. God has a purpose for all of us, and they’re gonna start feeling it.