16 Comments »

1. April:
   September 14th, 2006 @ 8:44 am

   The article was a very good read. I loved your response to your Christian friend; I feel the very same way. The ways you proceeded to reduce your stress so as to be able to focus on the problem at hand are terrific. (And, if I do say so myself, scrapbooking is a great way to relax.) I also am glad to not have to worry about some god, wondering if things are his/her/their will and feeling dependent upon him/her/them to make things better for me. It makes everything easier, actually, for me to “cope” with.

   I only occasionally read your column (mostly because I read so many things during the day), and was pleased to see that my husband had left it open for me to do so, as I do so enjoy it.

   My brother had epilepsy when he was a child (until about 12, I think), so I can sympathize with you… I could see the effect it had on my mother. I’m hoping that Trinity’s condition is helped by the meds, and that she also grows out of it (as my brother did his). You sound like you’re doing a terrific job, Noell!

2. CelticBear’s Musings » Blog Archive » Coping Without Prayer:
   September 14th, 2006 @ 11:46 am

   [...] On that subject, “The Agnostic Mom” recently posted an article on the “Institute for Humanist Studies” the article: [...]

3. Laura:
   September 14th, 2006 @ 3:38 pm

   You are such an inspiration to me. You have a talent to put into words exactly what I’m thinking too, but can’t find a way to say. I’m waiting for the same questions to come my way as I know they will eventually as my parents now know I’m not a mormon anymore and now I’m armed with a way to express my position.
   Thank you and keep up the great columns.

4. Karen:
   September 14th, 2006 @ 4:25 pm

   What I don’t understand is how the religious “cope” when they pray and their child dies anyway. Do they just tell themselves that it’s out of their hands and god knows best, after all? If so, why do they pray in the first place? If all they’re praying for is the strength to handle what happens, that’s one thing, but it seems to me that mostly they pray “don’t take my child”… and that seems to contradict the notion that god always knows best.

   I really never have understood it.

5. Terry S.:
   September 14th, 2006 @ 6:01 pm

   Noell,

   As I have said before, religion has never been a significant part of my life. Whenever I have been faced with difficult, stressful situations, it never occured to me to resort to prayer. While, as you state correctly I think, prayer does help some people, I obviously agree with you that it has nothing to do with any god. Prayer for believers serves as a means to bring a sense of assurance and perhaps quietude to someone under the stress of a family illness or other difficult situation. Prayer would likely be futile for a non-believer as a means of alleviating stress or worry. There is no basis to believe that anyone is there to help.

   Much better to rely on yourself as you have to find means that enable you to “cope” during difficult times. You are, in effect, staying ahead of the game by staying fit and giving yourself time to focus on your own well being. A harried, stressed out parent could be more of a problem than a help. Prayer could not put you in a proper condition or frame of mind to provide the kind of oversite, care and comfort you and your husband must provide Trinity at this time.

   TLS

6. Gregg100:
   September 14th, 2006 @ 8:35 pm

   I was surprised by your article in the HNN. I started reading it fully expecting to see some comment to the effect that you derived significant comfort from the benefits of science and the knowledge that years of scientific research, development of very capable diagnotic systems and a broad array of treatment options that have been tested for their effectiveness gave you the highest probability of successfully dealing with Trinity’s (probably transient) condition.

   This, as opposed to “hope” and other similar “prayers” that (in my humble opinion) create more stress because of the lack of confidence in their effectiveness. “Hope” is not a strategy. If it takes time away from performing effective tasks or research, hope is counterproductive. To me is like hoping we have a successful space shuttle launch when we have not checked every last nut, bolt and washer.

   Yet, there was no mention of successes and availability of modern science as a contributor to your confidence.

   I strongly support your prioritization of your personal health and I agree that (mostly aerobic)exercise is a wonderful source of peace of mind and positive, endorphin-laced optimism. The foods you eat are also major sources of chemicals that are mood enhancers and contribute to stress management. Foods high in tryosine (soybeans, 1% cottage cheese, skim mozzarella, chicken, fish) boost dopamine which contributes to mental energy, cheerfulness, vigilance and alertness.

7. Sarah:
   September 16th, 2006 @ 6:07 am

   I’m thrilled to have found your site today and will be following your writings for HNN (also a new discovery). I’m what you’d call a “post-Christian agnostic,” and have never felt freer or more in control of my own destiny. It was a huge step for me to finally decide to take responsibility for myself and my actions, a step that had been in the making for about a decade prior to my final break with Christianity and other religions. It is such a relief to admit that I don’t know all the answers, but want to work with my fellow humans rather than an “imaginary friend” to find out how to get us over the humps we face in life.

   Wishing you all the best with your daughter, especially. I can understand, to a degree, what you are going through; my husband suffers from complex partial seizures (was diagnosed in 1992).

8. Anne:
   September 16th, 2006 @ 7:48 am

   Noelle,
   As usual, you put into words my feelings exactly when it comes to life without “prayer” to a higher being. One thing I need to work on, though, is taking care of health. You are so right that a mere 30 minutes a day of exercise can have a tremendous positive effect. I’m heading out this morning to start my routine again!

   Thanks for sharing your life and thoughts with us on this blog and at the HNN. It’s always so comforting to hear from you (and your readers) about living life the way we do.

9. Jennifer:
   September 19th, 2006 @ 5:51 am

   My friend Celtic Bear referred me to your post, and I’m so glad! I have recently abandoned my lifelong Christian belief system and I’m finding one of the hardest things to quit is prayer. After doing it so automatically all throughout the day for 34 years, it’s not easy to quit because I don’t even realize I’m doing it. I’ll suddenly become aware that I am praying, and then feel very foolish for talking to myself. But after reading your article, I can see the positive benefits of continuing the conversation with myself as a means of slowing down my thoughts, centering myself, and reducing the anxiety in the moment.

   I especially identify with this statement:

   “I feel I am better able to “let go” and deal with the problem at hand without constantly hoping for an all-powerful being to fix it.”

   When we realize that WE have the ability to impact our own lives for the better, instead of waiting around for a Higher Power to step in and change things, it is a very empowering thing.

   Glad I was directed here. I’ll be back!

10. Lisa:
    September 20th, 2006 @ 9:20 am

    I’ve been mulling this over for several days, trying to come up with the words. You are so much better at putting words to feelings, in a wonderfully flowing way. I can’t quite get the right words together in an elegant manner. I cope with a type of spirituality. Not a god-based one, but a belief in human spirit, a universal spirit. Not a “Holy Spirit” but a running thread of humanity that is in all of us. People have been “coping” since we existed. I have faced difficult times, but so many others have faced much more trying and fearful times. I believe that a need for assistance to cope is the base of religion. So how do I cope without creating a god? I think about the fact that people survive amazing challenges. The individuals might rely upon their faith in a god/gods, but their survival (regardless of their various religious affiliation) proves that human beings have the power to overcome obstacles or at least accept them and be satisfied with life. If they could survive, then I can too. It is within my own power to cope. I appreciate that I also need to rely upon other people to help me with their expertise or friendshipship. I don’t need to rely upon something “out there”. I need to look within and around myself for guidance.

11. Terry S.:
    September 23rd, 2006 @ 6:06 am

    Noell,

    As you may remember, several weeks ago I became surly when attempting to post comments through your spam filter (or whatever it’s called.) You were gracious enough to eliminate it even though you were getting bunches of unwanted comments without it.

    After a few days I came to understand what it was all about – I have to admit I’m not much of a computer person.
    I did come back here and suggest that perhaps you should reinstate your filter.

    Now, much to my chagrin, my own humble efforts are being attacked by spammers. I may set up the filter on my site soon. I don’t like it, but I don’t want the junk either. After all, most of what I write qualifies as junk on its own. It doesn’t need any help.

    TLS

12. Lisa:
    September 25th, 2006 @ 10:09 pm

    Hi Noell, I hope that Trinity and the family is well. Just wanted you to know that I miss your words of wisdom. I really enjoy your posts.

13. C. L. Hanson:
    September 27th, 2006 @ 11:00 am

    Hi Noell,

    I read your post and your article when you posted it two weeks ago, but I didn’t comment because essentially I feel like I would be really irritated if a believer friend posed me such a question.

    It’s not that the person’s lack of comprehension would upset me so much as the fact that it seems like such a personal question. But then it becomes more a question of how close a friend you are with them…

    Anyway, my real reason for commenting today is that I’ve been added to an athiest/agnostic blogroll here, and I hope you don’t mind but I suggested that your blog should be included as well.

    So please don’t feel stressed that you’ll be forgotten while you’re focused on your daughter’s health and not on this — Outer Blogness (and the rest of blogspace) will be waiting for you whenever you’re ready.

14. Bill:
    September 27th, 2006 @ 11:48 am

    How to deal with parental pressure without praying?

    Communicate with your kids. Take them somewhere enriching. Talk to other parents. Talk to your own parents. Read parenting books. Watch parenting shows. Take a walk. Take a bath. Read a book. Listen to some music. See a counselor or psychologist.

    Basically, you do what most parents do. Only you don’t pray before, while, or after doing it.

15. Sara Crouch:
    September 28th, 2006 @ 10:23 am

    You are wonderful, as are your readers, and the content of this website. I wish everyone was as tolerant. However I have a question, not necessarily regarding the subject you presented here. My question is this, do I teach my beliefs to my children (when they can speak of course!), or do I show them Agnosticism and also Christianity, allowing them to decide what they believe? If I were to do this, then I would feel an obligation to teach them about all religions. I’m too ignorant for the former, and I want to give my kids a choice. I would never start crying as my mother did when I shared my beliefs. I’m a little lost as you can see. I’m sorry for the extraordinarily long post! Thank you for reading everyone.

16. Olga:
    September 29th, 2006 @ 8:22 am

    Noell,

    I just wanted to say hello. My husband and I read your article on the Humanist Network News. We don’t forget you! And we hope that you and your family are doing well.

    I found this link recently:
    http://www.reitstoen.com/multimedia.php

    I thought that you and your blog readers might enjoy listening to some of our favorite freethinking people like Dawkins, Shermer, Pigluicci, etc.

    All the best!

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