Someone Taught My Kid About God
Actually, that was orginally me.
This post is to answer a question from Jennifer:
I know this question was already raised, but I don’t think answered, who teaches your daughter about God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit? (I’m agnostic, just wondering).
I know I have forgotten to answer a lot of questions. If I passed you over and there is something you’re dying to know, try it again and maybe I can get better at this!
But back to Jennifer. Trinity was really young when we left religion (Mormonism). I think she was only two. But believe me when I say I was a good Mormon mom and I ingrained religion into my children from the beginning. This means she had a vague understanding that there was a god who loved her and that when we die we go to Heaven (she was always fearful so this was important to her) and get to be with Jesus and family again.
When my husband and I made that transition of beliefs, we explained to our children that we didn’t believe all the things that Mormons believed; that there were certain things we thought were wrong with religion. The move toward agnosticism with my children was slow and gradual (I declared myself an atheist as soon as I left the Church, but not to my kids). I just couldn’t tell them there is no god or heaven.
My husband and I travel together three times a year and my kids stay with their grandparents. They go to church with them on these weekends. They go for three hours, two of which the kids are in a small class with a teacher and kids their age. The teachers do not adjust their teaching for non-member guest children (for example, “We believe…”). They just state their beliefs as facts and have my children participate as much as possible.
Trinity enjoys these visits to church and takes everything to heart. In addtion to that, our extended families pray at every gathering and there have been religious lessons at some holiday events. It has only been in the last year that I have been more clear and direct that I do not believe there is a god.
Somebody left a comment that expressed an inaccurate understanding of an earlier post. They thought I call my family agnostic because some of us have atheist beliefs and some of us have Christian ones. I want to clarify that that is not what I meant. I call my family agnostic because when my kids ask about religious doctrines, I tell them what various people believe and then say that no one really knows. I tell them no one has actually seen heaven or Jesus. Those who say they know don’t really. I never tell them unequivocally that there is no god.
Trinity’s choice to continue believing has nothing to do with the fact that our family is agnostic. It is significant only because I have chosen to put more emphasis on giving my children confidence in their right to an opinion. I do not consider Trinity a Christian. It is probable that she will eventually grow out of this belief like she’ll grow out of Santa, given the way we raise our kids. At the same time, she is the most emotionally-driven member of the family. Maybe she won’t.
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December 5th, 2006 @ 11:39 am
If people were telling your kids that the earth was the corpse of a giant, part of a great big tree, resting on the shoulders of a demigod, or traveling about on a turtle (all traditional beliefs) - would you be more comfortable teaching otherwise, just because no one really enforces these ideas any more? Or - are these also appropriate times to say “nobody knows?” as in “I haven’t seen the giant turtle but that doesn’t mean he’s not there? Maybe he’s invisible and the laws of biology and physics don’t apply to him.”
What if you daughter was asked to make construction paper turtles, sing the turtle song, and made to pledge allegiance to the turtle? What if she’s told “There are going to be people that say there is no turtle - but we know better, and the unbelievers (like your Mommy) will be punished.”
Its the churches function to spread the virus.
Is it better to let your kids get sick when they are young - so they have antibodies as they grow up? Or is the disease stuck in their system to some extent and better avoided altogether?
December 5th, 2006 @ 5:49 pm
Ron, those particular examples are unfair. Obviously, there is direct scientific evidence that disproves the big tree, demigod, and turtle myths in the form of observations from telescopes, satellites, and humans when they flew to the moon and looked back at the earth. I would be comfortable telling my kids that we can conclusively prove those sorts of things are not true. (But I do understand the gist of your point so I’m not going to dwell on semantics).
I, like Noell, have let my two children know what I believe about the non-existance of any supernatural being. I have also told them that most people in the U.S. do not agree with me and that I cannot present them with evidence to support my belief, just as christians (or jews, or muslims, or whatever) cannot present evidence to support their beliefs. I see no inherent inconsistency with what I “know” to be true in teaching them that. My kids get it . I had a particularly humorous conversation a few months ago with my son where he told me (very obviously tongue in cheek) that I could not give him evidence that aliens had not come to earth on a meteor and started life here so there was the possibility that it was true. I told him he was absolutely correct. And he was. It’s called open-mindedness. I find it hard sometimes, as a scientist, to remember that science can be limited. My gut would like to tell me that everything can be explained by science, but my heart tells me that ultimately, we don’t even know the correct questions to be asking. I know what I believe to be true. But my goal is to remain open to the fact that I don’t understand. And that is the spirit which I’d love my children to grow up with.
In addition to teaching my children what I believe, I think it is also my responsibility to teach them how to survive with and relate to the people they come in contact with every day. They are learning about christian traditions in UU, as well as pagan ones and buddhist ones and humanist ones. Ultimately, what they are learning is that many people have spiritual needs that are reflected in their religious beliefs, and that tolerance of this diversity of beliefs is a good thing. I don’t think that belief in god is a “virus.” I think it’s the result of human questioning and needs. I think the belief in god is incorrect, but I don’t think it’s evil.
Jen
December 5th, 2006 @ 5:58 pm
I am curious whether the name Trinity is religious in origin or not?
December 5th, 2006 @ 6:05 pm
Jen,
I think your response was very insightful. I only disagree on one point. Maybe you agree with me and just didn’t mention it.
Belief in a god or a holy book or any other myriad religious beliefs IS a virus when it justifies acting contrary to the golden rule. When someone uses their belief to assert their authority or superiority over another, it absolutely is a virus and one that should be actively eradicated. Methinks perhaps that’s the point Ron was trying to make.
Ron, I was “infected” by choice (my mother let us go to vacation bible school, because we wanted to be with our friends over summer vacation, but we were not allowed to bring any songs, etc, home, lest my father be upset-he was adamantly against us going to church). I am now a staunch agnostic and remember seeing the absurdities in bible stories when I was quite young (I think I was six when we went…) I think for me, the fact that my parents let us choose our own paths was the smartest and most loving thing they could have done. I only hope if I ever have children, I have the strength to let them find their own path. I personally would want to lean more towards my father’s view (”Absolutely not!”) but I think one of the healthiest choices you can make is to trust your children and arm them with the knowledge that they will ultimately have to make their own choices and pay whatever consequences come from those choices.
In addition, I have plenty of anecdotal examples of a parent taking a “hard line” with their children and the children doing the exact opposite, just out of spite. I certainly wouldn’t want to have that type of relationship with my own child, so as hard as it might be, I think exposing them to as much as safely possible and trusting them to choose wisely is the only way to go.
December 5th, 2006 @ 6:27 pm
Terra,
Yes, you are absolutely right. Belief in god can certainly be (and is) taken beyond the need for self-spiritual fulfillment. It’s such a basic human need, perhaps, that it is inevitable that it is misused for gain of power. *That* is evil. I agree.
I know many people, however, (at my UU church) with deeply held spiritual beliefs in a god or supernatural being that would never dream of manipulating that into anything beyond their own spiritual fulfillment. I have been working hard in my own life to change my my views of christians from a universal disdain based on the former to an acceptance and welcoming of diversity. It’s the extremeists that get all the attention, isn’t it?
I grew up a born-again christian (not my parent’s choice, but mine). It was the fact that they instilled in me the belief that I am the one who gets to choose my own way that allowed me to question my beliefs and change as I grew up. I totally agree with you that showing your children the expanse of choices and letting them know it is their gift to be able to choose which is best.
Now, if one of my children decides to become a born again christian, we’ll see a true test of my “tolerance spouting”, eh?
Jen
December 6th, 2006 @ 12:14 pm
I had a wonderful childhood with loving parents, aunts , uncles , cousins, etc . They were devout christians who meant only the best for me regardless of what the situations were . They were loving people . Trouble is they were wrong. They weren’t aware they were wrong they were simply passing on what was given to them. They weren’t highly educated but they were successful financially because they learned the value of real estate. Basically , they were clean living folks and for that I am thankful. By emulating their overall behavior and demeanor I’ve been able to live a clean existence myself . At that time science hadn’t advanced much so things were less understood and to fill in the gaps of my probing mind they would interject the ( well if I don’t know ) I’ll attribute it to god . Explanations for thunder, for goodness , for badness , for rain , clouds , rights and wrongs , weren’t very satisfying. . I am educated , sometimes I think to much, LOL , and I have some answers for the tales of yore. Scientific explanations for what was once unexplained . Tell a child what “you” know and let the older less educated folks explain what they know . Your children will sort it out and later on have a laugh at what grandpa said about it . In a nice gentle sort of way.
December 6th, 2006 @ 7:10 pm
I just noticed a book that may be of interest to those with children ages 7-10. It is called “Maybe Yes and Maybe No” a book for young skeptics by Dan Barker. It is written for children.
December 8th, 2006 @ 12:16 am
Thanks Gregg100. I looked that up and also Barker’s “Maybe Right and Maybe Wrong”. I’ll probably get both. My kids are just getting to that age.
December 9th, 2006 @ 12:20 am
Jen, I so love that you said open-mindedness! I wish others felt like that.