7 Comments »

1. Lisa:
   February 20th, 2007 @ 6:44 pm

   I love your points on death being about life. I have heard people describe their existence after death as the same as before birth. Just as we aren’t concerned with our soul’s existence before we were born (or conceived), we shouldn’t worry about it’s existence after our death. We lack existence before conception and after death, what matters is the in between. That in between will live on as memories of our loved ones.

   I find this particularly moving today, since I have just received word that my grandfather passed away after a battle with cancer. He is Catholic and it is somewhat sad to me that his life will be remembered in a traditional funeral, rather than in a manner that is personal to unique to him.

2. Lisa:
   February 20th, 2007 @ 6:48 pm

   ^^^
   Let me clarify, I meant “people describe their feelings about their loved one’s existence after death”, not their own. I realized that sounded very odd!

   It may still sound odd, but hopefully, that makes more sense.

3. Stephanie:
   February 21st, 2007 @ 1:12 pm

   I really enjoyed this article and I used many of your suggestions when we had to put our cat to sleep. It’s funny because I just posted a topic on the Parenting Beyond Belief forum about this subject. My daughter is still having a difficult time dealing with death and now once in awhile she’ll tell us she’s afraid to die. It’s definitely a difficult topic but I’m glad we have these discussions going so people have other options than telling their kids an imaginary story to keep them happy.

4. Elisabeth:
   February 24th, 2007 @ 4:59 pm

   My 4 year old has experienced death a number of times as we live in the country and have had animals die before. When that happens we bury the animal/bird and say goodbye.

   His grandmother died this January and he attended the funeral – he even wanted to go up to the grave and throw in a rose as many of the other attendees were doing. He seems to understand that she is gone. He then scandalized his preschool class when we returned, by telling them all during “share time” that they had put grandma in a box in the ground.

   He also expressed a lot of fears to us after the funeral that we would die or that he would die. Of course we told him the truth, that we all will die but that will not happen for a long, long time.

   We miss grandma. We are sorry she is gone but she lived a long life and was ready to leave it. We will try to help our son remember her and keep her memory alive.

5. Jeff:
   March 13th, 2007 @ 10:14 am

   Your article was very interesting, and also saddening. At the end of your article you say that, “In my opinion, death is really about life. It is the conclusion of what was hopefully a fulfilling one. Death makes life meaningful.” I would argue that life, in your framework, is about death, and that death makes life meaningless. In the absence of God, death becomes the only thing that is eternal in relation to a person. If death, for you, me, your child, or anyone else, is the only eternal/infinite thing in our lives, than our lives become meaningless. The infinite (death) is not defined by the finite (our short lives), death becomes the crushing reality that blots out any meaning in life. A child, or any person who finds value in life, should be scared of dying in that framework.

   I agree with what you said in your article about needing to talk to our kids honestly about death, and to celebrate the lives of others around us, but I don’t see any hope in belaying their fears about death if death just ushers them into an eternity of non-being (and non-value, beyond being fertilizer).

   In your article you quoted one of your readers as saying, “‘Then I told them that one of the most wonderful things ever in my life was having them, and they agreed that having babies was something they wanted to do one day.’” If death is our only true eternity, canceling out any true value in our individual lives, then creating babies is selfish and potentially evil. I would be horrifyied bringing self-reflective thinking people into existence in this framework.

   The only way for our short live to have any real value is to recognize that there is the possibility for us, as finite beings, to be somehow united with something infinite other than death. God is that other infinite option, and I would challenge you to either take a second look at God or at least be honest with your kids in saying that death, in the humanist’s belief system, has the actual final word, not life.

   Feel free to contact me to continue this conversation anytime (especially to correct me if I have incorrectly understood you.) Peace and blessings to you and your family. Jeff.

6. Tymm:
   April 4th, 2007 @ 2:38 pm

   BEAUTIFUL THING
   by Tymm

   Even death can be a beautiful thing
   Just give it a try and you’ll see what I mean
   A weapon of choice is yours for the taking
   A final farewell to the mistakes you’ve been making

   No time for tears or sorrowful thoughts
   Nor memories of others whos friendship you sought
   Don’t look to the past for time is at hand
   Look to the ground on which you now stand

   ‘Cause soon your body will lay there below
   And blood from your veins no longer will flow
   Lifeless you rest in your own pool of red
   No turning back now…you forever are dead

   No angel to save you from the choice you just made
   Not even a savior for the sins that were paid
   All that is left is just mere skin and bones
   And even those too shall rot and be gone

   The afterlife in which you always prayed for
   Is nowhere behind any bright light or door
   Just wishful thinking…what a big waste of time
   Pointless preachers in churches…not worth a dime

   So this is it, not much more to say
   Perhaps a cremation or a slow long decay
   Open your mind to these words you have read
   Before it’s too late and you too shall be dead

   “Life is what you make it” never more true than now
   No spiritual wisdom can show you just how
   Don’t wait around to find you were wrong
   That it’s your life…you had control all along

   http://www.blizter.com

7. Jann Mirchandani:
   September 16th, 2008 @ 11:39 am

   I just came across your blog and your article about death. It is so beautifully written and a poignant approach to such a difficult subject. I have left religion myself (Catholic) and my husband was raised Hindu but never really practiced any faith.

   We struggle to find balance when issues like this are brought up. As you say the unvarnished truth is excessive for small children, and does not give justice to the beauty of our lives and how we choose to live it.

   I believe that the real meaning in our lives is what we give back to others and “the world/the universe” rather that what we are supposed to get in the hereafter.

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