My husband and I began putting major efforts into some other projects earlier in the year. For a while I’ve been unsure what to do about AgnosticMom because I love this blog, but it’s hard to do something well when your attention is split.

Once summer came, that was it. Trying to keep my children from turning into little vegetables on the couch, or monkeys in the rafters, is consuming so much time! Every summer surprises me with its demands. And this one is no different.

So, I’ve devoted all my extra time to our other projects. I told the Humanist Network News that I was taking the summer off from writing and that I hope to be able to pick things back up again when school starts. Even with the return of my usual schedule, I am unsure about this blog. As long as I write my monthly HNN articles, I will at least post a link here.

I have thoughts I want to share here all the time. And I wonder about those of you I’ve gotten to know through your comments. I’ve also been interviewed a number of times over recent months. I was interviewed on a Canadian-based international radio station at Easter (that was interesting!). Most recently, an Atheist organization interviewed me for their newsletter. I’d like to post that interview here when I get the chance.

But if I don’t, I hope you are all happy and doing well. We’re having a fun (and overly active, in my opinion) summer. Everyone is generally healthy. And I have been enjoying the fact that we are receiving a whole lot of love from friends and family who don’t mind that we “nonbelievers.” I know not everyone is so fortunate.

I promise this isn’t my last post, but I can’t promise how often I’ll be around. You may want to subscribe to my RSS feed so that you can be prompted when I do pop in. Thanks for sticking around! And thanks to those of you who have tried to check up on me!

Our interview starts at 9:30 EST, but the actual show starts at 9pm with an interview of Julie from Mothergoosemouse. Julie is an atheist and some of you old-timers might remember her commenting on AgnosticMom.

You can call or email the host with comments or questions, so come prepared. If you can’t make it tonight, the show will be archived and you can listen to it at your convenience.

Hello Noell,

I have been reading your blog for a few months, and there are a few questions I feel compelled to ask. This is meant to be a genuine inquiry, and not a personal attack. One of the questions that reading Agnostic Mom has raised for me is: What does it truly mean to live a life as an atheist? Sure the easy answer is to live a life without religious faith or belief, but what about without -religious behavior-? Your behavior and lifestyle as
an atheist seems nearly indifferent to me from a person of faith. So that raises the question: Why do you feel it is so important to distinguish yourself from someone who is of a religious background? And, are there really substantial differences between the lifestyle of an atheist from that of a person of faith that merits being distinguished?

When you step back and look at it, Agnostic Mom, and your involvement with the HNN all revolve around religion. It is the true driving force behind your participation. It seems to me that by trying to denounce religion, and assert that you have done so, you have actually immersed your daily life in it. It also seems that some atheists are so caught up in professing their lack of religion, that they have inadvertently become reliant on it to identify who they are.

So, is it really worth the effort?

To be fair, I should state that I am agnostic to some degree. However, I feel more comfortable with not being labeled when it comes to my own position on religion. Also, I suppose it would be fair to state that I am a 22 year old college student. So even though I am not a mom myself, I really enjoy your blog and the discussions you have here.

Note:

Martin almost touches on these questions above. However when he asks, “What part of free from religion did you not understand?” my question is, are you really free?

Let me start with this observation and question:

Your behavior and lifestyle as an atheist seems nearly indifferent to me from a person of faith. Are there really substantial differences between the lifestyle of an atheist from that of a person of faith that merits being distinguished?

The first thing I want to say is that if you do not see a significant difference between religious people and avowed atheist/agnostics, then doesn’t this just show religion to be unnecessary? Isn’t that the point? Do we really need religion to be decent people? Is logic and reason not enough? If LaShawn’s observation is true for most of us, then it seems to me that religious people are just throwing enormous amounts of time and money to something completely unnecessary.

It is not my intention, though, to eliminate religion from the world. I am also not trying “distinguish myself from someone of a religious background.” I actually blend in quite well with the people in my environment, religious or not. What I am trying to do is share my ideas and gain from others who want to raise their families with humanist values. For those of us who have left religion behind, it can be scary.

For me, leaving religion allowed me to look in better places for understanding about the world and how humans got to where we are. That is a subject I have always wanted to learn more. Leaving religion also gave me freedom to direct more of my money to the places that made sense to me. And the best part is that leaving religion gave me more than an entire day, every week of my life, to focus my time on the things that are important to me, rather than on the things that my religion told me were important.

But to get to the specifics of your question, regarding day-to-day behavior and morals, I think this really varies from person to person, depending on what religion we leave behind and what we choose to value from our new worldview. I can only answer for myself. My religion was very strict. Having left Mormonism, I maintained the values that made logical sense to me. I refrain from shoplifting because I don’t like the idea of hurting or cheating someone. Plain and simple. Secondary to that, I prefer to live in a world where people choose not to steal others’ property and I know that will work out better if I do my part. Does it take religion to think that way? No.

So you are right. My life may not much different than a that of some people of faith when it comes to morals and ethics. It is more different in terms of what I devote time, money, and attention to. And specifically as a former Mormon, the details of my life are actually extremely different.

For the record, I do not push for the idea that everyone leave their religions. I am not an evangelical nontheist trying to convert the religious to become atheists. I don’t claim to know if the world would be better or not, although I am curious.

When you step back and look at it AgnosticMom, and your involvement with the HNN all revolve around religion. It is the true driving force behind your participation. It seems to me that by trying to denounce religion, and assert that you have done so, you have actually immersed your daily life in it.

Let’s get a little perspective here. I know that all of your contact with me is immersed in subjects often revolving around religion, but you have to remember that my blog and artlcles are not all there is to me. I do have a life beyond what you read here. If there is anything I immerse myself in it is art, photography and scrapbooking. That is not something I really talk about here. I probably spend less than an hour a week on average with AgnosticMom stuff. That isn’t exactly immersing my daily life in it. On the other hand, I work on my paper art between one and three hours daily. In addition to that is my 65-75 minutes of daily exercise, my household chores and errands, my volunteering at the kids’ school, and my family time.

I will grant you that despite this reality check of how much time I actually spend on AgnosticMom items, I do immerse myself in it quite a bit, especially in the past. But that deserves some perspective, too. I like writing. I think way too much and so it helps me to write my thoughts down. It gives me clarity. When I started my little blog I had no idea it would take off so quickly and get me public recognition. The writing opportunities have all come to me. I have not sought after a single one. Since the atheist/agnostic topics happen to be my niche from the blog, since I happen to have an audience, it would make sense that this is the subject I discuss.

And there is a reason many of my topics revolve around religion. Because my past religion was so all-consuming I was lost and scared during those first years after leaving, especially when it comes to raising children. This blog is mostly (but not totally) for others like me who have left religion behind but are not sure how to go about filling in the holes when it comes to childrearing. So, of course, religion plays a factor in most of my posts and articles. I basically write how-to’s about raising a family without religion.

There is one more reason that I dwell on this subject. There two types of people (among the gazillion types of us!). Those that have a natural propensity to ponder life and the world and over-analyze everything about it. And those who just want to live their life. You mostly hear from those of us who like to analyze it and talk about it. That is how I am. I was like that as a religious person (so no, I do not dabble in religion near as much as I did when I believed in it) and I am still that way. It’s my nature. There are plenty of atheists who do not feel compelled to analyze and talk about it. That is why you don’t hear as much from them. I actually have a handful of friends who are agnostic or atheist, who I see regularly, but we have only discussed our nontheism a couple of times.

Your last question:

Martin almost touches on these questions above. However when he asks, “What part of free from religion did you not understand?” my question is, are you really free?

No, I don’t think I am really free. As long as I still feel I need to prove to my parents that they do not need to get me back to church, I will probably not feel totally free. As long as I feel I need to keep my ideas and perspectives to myself so as not to offend my religious friends who have no problems sharing their perspectives with me, I will not be totally free. As long as I have to worry about how adequate my children’s science education is because there are topics that those in charge do not want taught, I will not feel completely free. That’s just the way it is.

Thanks, LaShawn, for your honesty and asking such interesting questions. I’d love to hear thoughts from anybody else.

We also discovered that if you google “agnostic” we show up on the first page of the search results. (Go ahead, try it).

Many thanks to all you readers who have linked to me or who have emailed my articles to your family and friends.

Just when you thought it was safe to get used to the green layout…

Just when you thought red flowers were so last year…

Just when you thought it wasn’t posh for Ag’s and Athee’s to embrace change…

The Original Layout Returns…

I missed the flowers… It helps me to hope for spring…

I have no idea what is going on with my website. I did nothing to it. Remember how I said it was possessed? I guess website possession is the one area of supernaturalism I am falling for. Unless I still have a hacker. Who knows?

Of course, now that I think about it, as soon as I post this it will probably revert back to one of the other templates and nobody else will know what the heck Jason and I are talking about. So in case you miss the return to the original AgnosticMom template, it was here, this morning! Over the last couple months it has changed templates twice, and we cannot figure out why.

I was really nervous about the social implications when I stopped going to the Mormon church and became an atheist/agnostic. The religion I came from forces you to make a choice: Either come out of the closet so you can live your life the way you think is appropriate, or stay hidden and live the rules of the Mormon Church. I came out of the closet because my sister was about to get married in the LDS (Mormon) temple. You have to hold what is called a “recommend” in order to go in. My recommend had expired during the time that I was trying to figure out my beliefs. I could not get a new one and keep my integrity in tact because you must proclaim your belief that Jesus is the Christ and Joseph Smith was his prophet in order to do so.

By the time of the wedding I had confirmed to myself that I was not a believer. Rather than lie, I decided to tell my family that I would not be going through the temple for the wedding and the reason was that I no longer believed the church was true. And in fact, I was an atheist. (I called myself an atheist before I decided to call myself an agnostic. To me it is all semantics and a bit problematic). I suppose I didn’t have to tell the reasons why, but it has never been in my nature to act like someone I am not. I was never shy about being a Mormon and I am not shy about being agnostic.

Of course, telling my parents was one of the hardest things to do. They didn’t take it well. But after four and a half years they have seen that I am not backing down, they have seen that my children continue to hold excellent standards and principles, they have seen that I have a presence in the secular/humanist community, and they have seen that I am happy and non-disruptive to their religious lives. It has gotten better with them year after year and I now feel mostly satisfied with where we are in our relationship.

When I left religion, I also felt a need to tell my current friends. One reason was because I held many leadership positions, never missed church, and was very involved. The other was because Mormons have strict rules about clothing; rules which are absurd for people in desert climates to abide by. I was happy to be able to dress in less constricting clothes that were much more appropriate. But it was a shock to all my friends for me to suddenly expose my shoulders. It may seem silly to someone who is not from the Mormon culture, but it is scandalous for a Mormon not to abide by the dress code if they once had. People usually suspect that marriage infidelity led to the change.

So, it was awkward in the beginning feeling compelled to announce my change to my friends at their first sight of me in un-Mormonish clothing. I didn’t want them to assume the wrong things about me. The revelation of my non-belief shocked and hurt them. I received many warnings from people who had “gone astray” at one time and and regretted it. Still, as awkward as it was, I think is beneficial. It is beneficial to our community because it spreads the word that nontheists are normal people. It is beneficial to ourselves because 1) It takes us out of our comfort zone, and that is always healthy! 2) It frees us up to be who we are and not have to hide.

Thankfully, I am past that phase now, of having to come out to current friends who had always known me as religious. My main interaction now is with people who never knew me as Mormon. For them it is only about discovering that I don’t believe in any religion, period. And that is a whole different situation. We’ll come to that in a separate post.

I was wondering what was going on the past few weeks! I like the new design, though, I think I will miss the photo of the pretty flowers at the top…

Just think, though, you are now important enough to be attacked and not just ignored by the right-wing! Congrat’s! Next thing you know, James Dobson will be denouncing your bog on national television, and soon you’ll have hundreds of hits instead of just a few dozen…

Ahh, the price of fame and simply being right….

Good luck with the whole hacker thing–from what I’m reading here, a few other sites I visit are being–shall we say persecuted?

As for my design, it is not by choice. If there is a hacker, he/she is doing it. If it’s not a hacker, my blog is either possessed or it has some weird default mode. It does not look like this by my own choice. I keep switching it to the old template and but it jumps back to this one. If I were more computer literate I’d be more proactive about getting to the root of this. Alas, I am dependent on my super-busy husband to fix these problems.

BTW, Jason, my blog has been getting at least a hundred hits per day for quite a while now! It hardly deserves it with the decline in posts over the last couple months.

Moving on: we have a busy day today. I carved two pumpkins this year instead of just one! When the kids get home (well, Blake is already home sick) we’ll grab an early dinner, get the costumes on, take tons of pictures (I am determined to get some good ones this year, so I’m giving myself plenty of time) and then we’ll head over to the grandparents’ neighborhood (much better for trick-or-treating than my own) to get an early start. With Blake sick, I don’t want to be out late.

I hope to have some time tomorrow to get a more normal entry posted!

Dear Mr. Potential Hacker,

If you are the reason for my blog troubles, I can only assume it is because of religious motivations. And since that seems to trump freedom of speech for you, let me appeal to the Ten Commandments. I pay for my website, therefore, when you shut it down, not only are you stealing my right to free expression, you are also stealing my money. Where are your principles?

And, since that posting she had the second seizure. This time it was in her sleep so we didn’t see it. I just knew something wasn’t right when, after carrying her sleeping body into and back out of the car, sitting her next to her active and chatty older brother in said car, taking her temperature, and wiping her face with a wet cloth I still couldn’t wake her up.

Finally, with the nurse on the phone, I rubbed Trinity’s sternum, which I learned from the parademics after the first seizure. This drew a response and partial consiousness. Still, she laid there abnormally motionless, with her eyes dazed and her normal self far far away. The only movement or acknowledgement I could get from her was if I asked her if she was okay. She’d nod her head, make a barely audible squeaky sound, but that was it. According to the neurologist, her brain was “re-booting” after the seizure. She remained in this almost, but not-quite, conscious state for forty-five minutes. She doesn’t remember it.

We went to ER again where they gave her an EKG (which monitors the heart), which also had an abnormal result. So, in addition to all the neurological testing, we will also see a cardiologist next month for a more thorough heart exam. Okay, it’s called an echocardiogram but I don’t know if I’m spelling it correctly and I just don’t feel like looking it up. Sorry.

Hopefully her heart is fine (because it is quite unlikely to be related to seizures at her age) and with luck the EKG was just showing signs of stress.

A few days after the second seizure I took Trinity back to the neurologist who surprised me by prescribing anti-seizure medication. Already. I just wasn’t expecting that to happen so soon. Having done my research since that pill-prescribing appointment, I realize that we were quite thorough according to industry standards and it is typical to start medicating at this point, if not sooner. But with the doctor’s approval, we are waiting. He said he expects she’ll have another seizure within six to eight weeks of the last one (meaning four to six weeks from now. And yes, I am watching the days). At that point, if she has her third one, we really need to get her medicated.

If we are lucky, and she doesn’t have a third one for many months, she just might grow out of them. So right now, we are waiting. And I am reading. I am learning about seizure disorder and the medication. I am researching the various options. We are also trying to round up all the test results from three different institutions to send to a second neurologist for another opinion. Just to be sure. I hate to mess with my little girl’s brain. There can be side-effects to the medication. And the medication is only supposed to help. It doesn’t necessarily eliminate seizures. I think it has a fifty-fifty success rate if I remember right.

And that brings us to why I have not been blogging. The usual topics on this blog are often serious, heavy, or require research. My brain just doesn’t have the capacity to juggle these topics in addition to seizure disorder. For the sake of my emotional health, I need to spend my extra time with something that calms me down rather than riles me up. So I’ve been focusing on my number one love and sanity-saver: scrapbooking.

I will continue my monthly column with HNN and will post here to let you know when it installs. I will probably pop in with short blurbs on lighter topics here and there. And who knows, maybe sometimes I will even have something more typical of me.

No promises.

In addition to the routine summer schedule of daily swimming lessons, the kids’ workshop at the two local museums, and all the regular errands, we had five different medical appointments last week. Yes, between the kids, the dog, and myself, I attend medical-related appointments at least once a week. But last week there were five. Five!

All but two were routine. Something is wrong with my cute little dog, the puppy I consider my baby. We have been trying different things to figure out what the problem is. Much of my attention has been on him and not on AgnosticMom-related topics.

Also, I was ready to move away from the topic of death, which has dominated this blog lately. Then my husband’s young uncle died last week. He died at thirty-six years old. He stopped breathing while his wife was out getting medicine for him. So it keeps the topic front and center in my mind. It is hard to fathom someone’s life vanishing with no warning like that. One day you’re sharing dinner with a person at a family gathering. The next week they are gone forever. I am worried about his wife.

And last night I got to remember what it is like to be a new mother. I took one of my sister’s three babies for the night to give her a break. She recently had twins (new siblings to her toddler) and the pregnancy induced congestive heart failure. She is having trouble healing because she can’t get any sleep between the three babies. Can you imagine?

So, I guess I decided to go ahead and throw all of this out at you.

Those of you who have been waiting for Leaving the Church, Part 4 can rest assured that I am beginning to work on that now. I can’t promise it will be out before Tuesday. Trinity goes to the neurologist tomorrow and I plan to take my dog back into the vet for a new bizarre symptom that has surfaced. But I will post it by Tuesday at the latest.

To hold all you ex-Mormons over until then, let me introduce you to C.L. Hanson, author of a new book I will be writing a review for called, ExMormon. She just started writing her own deconversion story and you can read part one here. If that isn’t enough for you, go to her post here to see a list of other Mormon deconversion stories.

And if you’re interested in reading something other than Mormon-related stuff, Hanson also wrote a post that has to do with my earlier entry about how our current culture has become safer for children than in the past. She has very interesting theories on why that is so and outlines some even more interesting ideas for what that it means regarding sex and birth control.

Now I have your attention, don’t I?

And one last note to Dan, if you are still out there. Unless something else pressing comes up, I will soon post my entry regarding the implications of materialist philosophy that you requested. No, I haven’t forgotten.

What finally motivated me to get it done? The great founder of COTG, Brent Rasmussen of Unscrewing the Inscrutible (Brent, what do you call yourself in relation to COTG? Probably not the founder?) commented on one of my recent posts and wrote up a little blog entry on AgnosticMom.

That was all the motivation I needed.

Amazing how all this time I’ve considered submitting an article but it just seemed like work I didn’t have time to do. It took, oh, about three minutes to pick the post and send the email.

So maybe I’ll get on the ball and submit all the time.

Anyway, if you don’t know what a blogging carnival is or you’d like to see one that is godless, click here and go have some fun. Get to know some of the other godless bloggers out there.

The math problem is gone! You are free again to comment as you wish!!!!

Today his wife, Cori, of Cori’s Blog left a comment on one of my posts. Not knowing who she was, I checked out her blog. From what I could tell from my quick browse, she’s an intelligent, liberal Christian. It might be worth taking a good read.

Before I had time to really dive in, I figured out she might be married to Kevin. I clicked on a link where she referrenced him as her husband, and sure enough, there he was.

I have to direct you over to his April 13th post, Consistency of Thought. It is short and concise and makes a great point. I wanted to copy a part of it and quote him here, but felt a need to copy the entire post. Instead, I decided to just point you in his direction. Go enjoy! (And of course, come back here).

I have started working on Gregg100′s last question from the list he submitted. It was a question about Easter, and how I will explain our celebrating it to our children. Since Easter is just over a month away, I hope you don’t mind, Gregg, if I hold onto it until we get closer to the holiday. In fact, I am considering it for my April HNN article, rather than a regular blog post. I have not yet decided, but it will appear, either here or there, not long before Easter.

And last but not least, I just want to say that I did get over my miniature panic regarding our teenage children visiting churches. Like I said before, I got carried away in the emotions of certain memories. Thankfully I’ve got my crew here at AgnosticMom and you all grounded me with your comments. That’s what our community is here for, right?

So, as I sit on my bed, preparing to shut down my new MacBook Pro laptop which Israel gave me for Valentine’s Day, I just wanted to give a heartfelt thanks to all my readers who leave comments. Your disagreements with me give me a chance to re-evaluate my opinions. Your words of support are as supportive as you mean them to be. Your experiences are sometimes funny, sometimes sad, but always interesting. Your ideas are priceless. Your thoughts are ingenious. We have a good group here.

I feel a desire to respond to almost every comment, but I don’t always have the time when I am reading them. It would also be an over-abundance of ME in the comments area. But whether I respond to your comments or not, please know that I thoroughly enjoy them.

If you have been a silent reader, I hope you will make yourself known and share your thoughts.

I’m going to bed now. I’ll have a my next post ready by midday tomorrow.

You know, I listen to my parents’ stories about how “the Spirit is leading my mom in her church lessons” or how “God blessed my sister” by providing her with a free fridge through her husband’s construction job. And I always put myself back in my old Mormon world, congratulating them and telling them how wonderful their god-filled experiences are. They know I don’t actually believe in that world anymore, but I put myself in their shoes during these conversations out of respect and civility. I almost never even show them my own shoes, let alone ask them to try them on.

But I don’t want it to seem like I am hiding parts of my life either. This was, in fact, their wish (no, it was their demand) when I outed myself. They wanted everything on the table. As long as they were the only ones dining. None of my siblings would be allowed.

I have a blog. I am starting a new column. It is Agnostic. To reveal this news a year or so after the fact would have consequences.

So what was my mother’s reaction? Not outrageous. I think we’re beyond outrageous reactions by now (although, SHE was not the source of them. She was calm, thank goodness). Her reaction this time was a sudden drop on the Enthusiasm Dial.

Before I told her my news, we had been discussing other non-related family achievements. She rejoiced with me in some of the other exciting things happening with my husband and children. Her voice was in that high range that announces great joy.

So I took my opportunity. “Well, you know what else? I have been writing a blog for about six months for other families like mine, who don’t have the benefits of a church community.” I kept it as positive as possible. “And an editor of an E-zine noticed it and liked it. They asked me to write a monthly column for them!!”

My mom, suddenly quiet, all signs of excitement vanished, asked, “What is the column called?”

“AgnosticMom. The E-zine is the Humanist News Network. Do you know what Humanism is?”

“Yeah!” Her voice-inflection shouted, Do I ever know what that is! Why, I oughta . . .

But that’s not what she said. She said, “Yeah! It’s about taking God out of the picture and giving all credit to humans.”

Ok, so now I am aware she already has a negative association to the worldview I find so beautiful and uplifting. I let the conversation die out. She was happy for a change of topic.

There was no, “Congratulations! I don’t agree with your beliefs, but congratulations.”

Nothing like, “Wow, I didn’t know you write.”

Not even an, “I wish you weren’t spreading evil, honey, but it’s amazing that other people are interested in your thoughts.”

I don’t want to complain. I am counting my fortunes that my family is as gracious as it is.

And I understand. She was probably in shock. Maybe after she’s had time to digest my announcement she will be able to congratulate me on my next success. I just wish she didn’t have to be so sad.

AgnosticMom reader, and most especially, my good friend, Larry Keim, inspired my article’s topic when we ate at Buca di Beppo’s a couple weeks ago. Next to our table was a dinner party for a bride and groom. They were giving speeches, and Larry sat at our table, basking in his love for his used-to-be-teen-bride, now wife of almost twenty-five years. Larry, the passionate person that he is, got up and gave a speech to the party about beating the odds!

Anyway, if you feel so inclined, head on over. I must add a disclaimer first, though. When I got on the site to check out my name, my picture, and my post, I almost died of embaressment because I saw two major grammatical errors!!! I thought for sure the Mommybloggers must have gone in and added them! Those sly foxes. Of course, Ockham’s Razor suggests that the most likely scenario, the one in which AgnosticMom made the errors, is the theory to bet on. I checked the original draft. Yes, it was me. Ok, Mommybloggers, you’re off the hook.

So, when you see the comma following the question mark, and the extra “O” in the word “to,” just laugh and know that AgnosticMom still makes mistakes.

Oh, you already knew that?

Also, Ron wrote a letter to the Humanist News Network, praising them for giving a column to AgnosticMom. He copied it in a comment here. What a huge compliment. He made some points that I want to focus the rest of this post on:

Ron said:

“The easily cited presumption by the religious culture is that we do not thrive because we lack the moral fortitude to be strong, joyful, loving families. Humanism in all its forms must not be invalidated as a fringe group of rebelious students, or codgers with too much time on their hands and bad experiences with the church.”

This comment interests me for two reasons. First, I have heard and read comments in the newspaper and on the radio, such as, “You never see any athiest charitable groups!”

Clearly we have an image problem. And we lack visibility. There are, in fact, athiest/agnostic, humanist, and other secular groups, doing charitable work. Charitable work is one of the foundations of the humanist philosophy, since we cannot wait for a god we don’t believe exists to solve the world’s problems. We have to do it ourselves.

But we are a minority. People don’t know of our organizations. Also, Americans are still scared of athiests. So our tiny groups don’t get the news coverage of, say, the Salvation Army.

I will admit, there is also some in-fighting. Secularists are individualists. We fear being locked into a box where we won’t agree with every stand an organization takes. The result: either we stay isolated, or in rare instances, we make a new organization. This fact comes to light with the various names and groups representing secularits: “Brights,” “freethinkers,” “the godless,” and “existentialists” are just a few to add to the typical list. And then there is the spectrum of athiesm and agnostism: strong athiest, weak athiest, positive athiest, athiest-agnostic, etc. Why do we care about these minute details? We are all secularists and we are dealing with the same issues.

In the past, this spectrum of secularist groups allowed the concern of defining themselves override the idea of banding together to unite in purpose. Only recently, in light of the growing power of the religious right, are these groups beginning to set aside their differences, start pooling resources, and work together.

It is time that people get to know us for the good we want to accomplish: strong families, strong democracy, strong ethics, and the freedom to exercise a moral choice based on our own beliefs, not to be compelled by someone else’s.

The other reason I am interested in Ron’s comment: he mentioned how religious folks dismiss us as people with bad experiences in the church. AgnosticMom has received a few comments from religious readers, apologizing for bad experiences they thought I had. Maybe they have made an assumption. Or maybe I have portayed myself with some inaccuracy. As Ron implied, not all of us are here because of bad experiences with religious life, myself included. I am in here because I wanted truth.

A few people have referred to the “oppressive religion”of my past or “strict childhood.” I am sorry I gave the wrong impression. I say this, both to clear up any misunderstanding about myself, and also to give the Mormon church a little slack. I was a happy Mormon. I loved being a member of the church. I loved my religion enough to make the choice to serve a mission for a year and a half when I was twenty-one. I accepted, and sought after, responsibilities within the church. I held a number of leadership positions in my congregations.

Over time, contradictions and issues I didn’t agree with, accumulated to a degree that I had to face the existence of my serious doubts. Confident that God would answer my prayers and bring me back to complete faith in his church, I set out to get some answers. The more scripture I studied, the more inconstinencies I discovered. Six months later, I felt sure the LDS church was not true. Still, I could not walk away. I hope this demonstrates how much I loved being a Mormon. It wasn’t until another six months later that I was ready to leave. It is only in retrospect that I have since become aware of what I now regard as the silly little insanities of Mormonism, which I sometimes refer to in my posts.

I know that some Mormons who leave say they felt oppressed, or that they couldn’t live up to the standards. I implied this when I referred to my childhood hero, Nephi, in the post, “What’s Missing Is A System.” I was mostly joking when I made the comment, “No wonder I have overwhelming and unrealistic expectations of myself.” Nephi didn’t really cause me anxiety. I expect my perfectionism is related to some degree, but I give most of the responsibility to my genes. And I am not complaining about my over-achieving tendencies. I never had feelings of inadequacy as a Mormon.

Some concerned religious readers lamented that I wrote off all religion as a result of my Mormon experience. This was not the case. After questioning the Mormon church, I naturally sought after Christianity in general. In my studies, I found the Bible to be just as problematic than the Book of Mormon. I learned about the history of the various and evolving manuscripts that became the Gospels. I also noticed the changing personality of God from the Old Testament to the New, to modern times, including the very American Jesus so popular right now.

Religious readers: I appreciate that you come to my blog. I appreciate that you are not afraid of us agnostics here. I appreciate your willingness to understand us. That is what we want. I appreciate your concern for my family and me. I don’t want to persuade you that your religion is wrong. I just want you to understand where I am coming from. My agnostic readers are here to support each other, to make a place for their families, and to help each other to leave a positive mark on the world.

I received my first correction! After reading, America In Decline, Skysinger clarified for me that we do not have a cure for polio, just a vaccination. Well, that makes sense, doesn’t it? I’m sure I’ve got many more corrections coming in my blogging future, so I am glad the first one came in such a nice manner; a warm-up. Thanks for your input, Skysinger!

Mary said:

I enjoy reading your blog because, regardless of my religious leanings (I’m still trying to figure that out), I most definitely believe in science as the basis of humanity.

Because my children are not yet in school, I understand that I am now free to remain “blissfully ignorant” of the extent to which religion is impeding true learning in our public schools. But at least I know where in the world (here! and your new column!) to go for an opinion I can respect.

Mary, I’ve wondered if you were even agnostic and what motivates you continue to read my blog! Now I know. I am glad that I don’t offend (at least too much?) my thoughtful and reasonable religious readers. I harp on religion, mainly when it infringes on my life as a secularist. And sometimes I tease and make playful jabs, but I am not trying to convince anyone to leave their religion. I just hope they will understand the plight of the secularists.

As for religion impeding learning in public schools: maybe I’m wrong, but I doubt you will find your California schools as affected as in places like Kansas and Dover. Regardless, the lack of a basic understanding of science is a national dilemna with national consequences to come if we don’t turn it around. I’m glad you and I have a common respect for science.

Speaking of science and American culture, Ron made an interesting observation at his local Barnes&Noble:

I was at Barnes and Noble today – and they moved the Science section, they also reduced it in size. They moved it over near blank journals – where no other literature exists – somewhere west of the bargain books!
There is ONE shelving unit of science books (not including the specific section on physics)! That is 33% the amount of space they give to ‘religious fiction’ (possible oxymoron) – and roughly 20% of the space ‘devoted’ (literally?) to religious books. At Barnes and Noble! The religion shelves are all centrally located in the store, as well – with a good 6 or so signs leading you to them.

It’s unnerving to enter a huge ‘secular’ bookstore and see that the history, and science sections barely add up to the amount of space allotted for religious books.

I am so glad you brought this to our attention. Tami and I were there last night, and realized that ours has an extremely small science section as well. I doubt it reflects Barnes&Noble’s values, rather the demands of the customers. Nobody’s buying science-related books! We have a long way to go. Do you all feel our country is taking giant leaps backwards? (Oooh, wait until you see what I have to blog about next! Look for a future post regarding women. We’re going backwards, people).

Well, I have a few more comments to respond to tomorrow. Thanks for being patient with this unusual weekend format. We’ll be back on track next week lots of hot topics.

While I originally meant to make my responses directly in the comments areas, enough time has gone by that I hardly think anyone (except Tami, who reads EVERYTHING) is going to go back and see them.

Tomorrow I will start going through those comments, find the ones that I need to respond to, and devote a few posts to them. I love hearing everyone’s thoughts, and I really appreciate the outpouring of ideas. All the “congratulations” have been awesome!

HNN is part of the Institute for Humanist Studies. The Executive Director found my blog and saw a need for a column on humanist parenting. He contacted me last Friday and asked if I’d do it.

When I began blogging last summer, part of my intent was to see if I could be a writer. I have always had a secret desire to write, but since having children, the most I’ve written is a few published letters to the editor. I entered the blogosphere with cold fingers.

In hopes of extracting some talent from within, while at the same time filling the void that agnostic parents have been staring into, I have wondered if I could blog my way into a book. That still remains to be seen.

My new column with the Humanist News Network does not bring me to professional status. But I am so excited to have a shot at a little more experience and exposure. You can subscribe to get the e-zine here.

I’m going to take advantage of this opportunity to thank some blogger friends who, though may or may not necessarily be agnostic or athiest, are great bloggers who have helped AgnosticMom increase visibility by referring and linking to my blog.

Mary Tsao at Mom Writes
Jane at Average Jane
Zoe at A Complicated Salvation
Larry Keim at Larry Keim’s Blog
Laura at LolaFromOz

I hope I didn’t miss anybody. Thanks so much!

I’m a new parent, a stay-at-home-dad, and born-again agnostic doing my initial groundwork for making sure our nest is well lined, insulated from destructive influences, and harmonious!

I am looking for resources, community, and information for agnostic parenting. I am surprised at how challenging this has been – there are assemblies (both real and virtual) for every kind of person imaginable, but the oft demonized ‘teaming masses’ of secularists are in reality very hard to find! Makes the claims of our influence and numbers seem awfully questionable.

Would it be possible to supply more links, if you have them – more connections to similar blogs?

I am sorry to disappoint you, Ron, but I have been scouring the internet, and what I have to report is bad. In terms of agnostic parenting blogs, there is one. Only one. Mine.

On the off-chance I am wrong, and I somehow missed a good blog that deals with agnostic/athiest parenting, I would love for someone to send me a link. I created AgnosticMom after 3 years of finding very little regarding secular families. At Ron’s request, I repeated my search of the blogosphere in hopes of finding newer ones. Nothing.

Almost all agnostic/athiest blogs fit into three categories:

#1 Pure Philosophy (not dealing with day to day practicalities)-I’m sorry, but I find this so boring. Many of us secularist types are already philosophical people. We lay in our beds philosophizing. We daydream, with our lattes in hand, philosophizing. I am full of philosophizing, and I need some practical ideas for practical living, especially for my children.

#2 Ranting and Raving I like a little ranting and raving. I do it myself. But if ranting and raving is all you are doing, where is your life? Once again, the practicality is missing. The rants and raves should be intermittent side notes.

#3 Watchdog Watchdogs are good. I like watchdogs. But it only meets a portion of parental needs. In my searching I found a good watchdog that I like: Be Reasonable

One of my readers, Zoe, has an interesting blog. I like that it has a personal touch, which I find lacking in most of the other agnostic/athiest blogs. Hers focuses on the difficulty of leaving born-again fundamentalism. She shares experiences she has with her still-fundamentalist friends. She is thoughtful and, while not afraid to point out her frustrations with religion and its culture, she is respectful. She shares interesting personal experiences. (Side note: when I went to her site to copy her address for this post, I noticed she has a link to AgnosticMom. Thanks, Zoe!). A Complicated Salvation

For real exposure to other agnostic/athiest blogs, go see the Carnival of the Godless. Every two weeks, godless bloggers submit an article. Every other Sunday those articles are showcased with links to the contributers’ blogs. You get a variety of ranters, philosophers, and watchdogs. None of them really fit Ron’s request, so I’m just providing a link to the entire carnival. The Carnival of the Godless

I’m sorry this is all I have to offer in terms of blogs. There is a very informative website (not a blog) called Ethical Athiest. It has a lot of educational articles. They have a parent-related section, but it is very general, and it is not yet complete.

Things are bleak for non-religious parents. This is why I encourage everyone to share their experiences and ideas, concerns and difficulties, here in comments on AgnosticMom.